The Sox failed to clinch a playoffs berth against Cleveland last night, falling 4-3 and stranding millions of men on base. It's ok though, guys: Bob Ryan says we're grinders! Hmm. Either the Red Sox have all become tasty cold cut sandwiches (in which case someone should probably keep Bartolo Colon out of the clubhouse), or the Globe staff is still struggling through the pages of How To Teach Your Kids About Diversity When All Their Athletic Heroes Are White.
You weren't watching the Sox, though, because you were counting all the coins in between your sofa cushions to go make a deposit at Goldman Sachs, right?
Either that, or you were clapping your hands and giggling like a giddy school girl as Brett Favre and the Jets got their asses handed to them by Cromartie and Co. on Monday Night Football. Never mind that you failed to make up the few measly (read: 35) points I needed for a fantasy victory, San Diego. I enjoyed that.
More upsetting: the collapse of investment banking, or losing to the Dolphins?
Let's put it this way: I've never cut my hand open punching a mirror because the stock market took a plunge. Game 4 against the Cavs, though? Um.
Game recaps, your College Football Post of Awesome, and a very special Mass Hysteria surprise all coming up today. Is someone pregnant? Did we finally land that interview with Dale Sveum? Will I show my tits? You'll just have to stick around and find out. Oh, and ups to LOLFED for having the courage to poke fun at catastrophic economic collapse via a series of humorously-captioned photos.