Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Breakfast With The Hysterics!

* JON LESTER IS A GODDAMN BEAST. His mighty lymphocytes made hamburger out of Rocco Baldelli's wimpy little mitochondria as Lester tossed 7 2/3 innings of shutout ball while striking out 9 to pace Boston to a 3-0 victory and narrow Tampa Bay's lead in the division to just half a game. Jon Papelbon came in to seal the Rays' fate with some vintage heat in the 9th, Jason Bay smashed in his 6th home run as a Red Sock, and I got a little bit tingly when I heard SOXTOBER softly whispering my name just now. WATCH YOUR ASSES, TAMPA BAY. WE ARE COMING FOR YOU.

* The wailing and tearing of garments in mourning for Tom Brady continues in and around Boston. All my friends were going out of their ways to be super nice and understanding to me yesterday. I appreciated it. Special thanks to the nice policeman who talked me down from the 42nd-floor window of the Hancock building. WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS TOGETHER, MASS HYSTERIANS. Just don't read Dan Shaughnessy. That shit's bad for you.

* The Green Bay FLAG Packers FLAG defeated the Minnesota FLAG Vikings 24-19 FLAG in the first FLAG Monday Night Football FLAG match-up of the FLAG season. The Vikes FLAG had a chance to FLAG win it FLAG with under a minute FLAG left, but FLAG because Tarvaris FLAG Jackson is a tubby FLAG piece of shit FLAG quarterback, instead FLAG he threw a FLAG game-ending interception FLAG to Atari Bigby. Congrats FLAG on your FLAG win, Aaron FLAG Rodgers... of all the FLAG godawful quarterbacks in the FLAG NFC North, you are FLAG the least meriting of my FLAG derision. Hurrah FLAG! Speaking of tubby piece of shit quarterbacks, Jamarcus Russell took the field in Oakland immediately afterwards and proceeded to squander the almighty sexiness that is Darren McFadden as the Raiders fell to the hot-to-trot Broncos, 41-14. OMG IT'S A PALINDROME! You know what else is a palindrome? The Raiders suck kcus srediar eht.

To kick off your Tuesday morning, here's the King of Pop with a message about respect and tolerance. Everybody deserves both of those things. Except the Rays. Fuck those guys.


Hazel Maes Landing Strip said...

Hey where did the Porn Flakes go? I was enjoying the barely SFW pics!

GHABB,Y~! said...

That paragraph had more flags than colorguard practice.

The A-Train said...

I like the donut that's smiling at me. It makes me feel special inside.

One thing I noticed about Mass when I lived there (exit two baby!) was the lack of DD's. I thought there would be one like, every two fackin' feet. But instead I would have to get in my car and drive to the next fackin' town get a godamn coolata!

Now in NY there's one on my way to work, which is excellent because I can spit on it every day while I drive past. It's like blowing up a country's embassy if you can't afford to fly to that country and blow shit up!