Thursday, September 25, 2008

Boston Sports Tonight!

Red Sox v. Indians, 7:05 pm. I have done nothing of any value at work today. And yet I'm still exhausted and feel like I deserve a baseball game, a cold beer, and maybe (just maybe) the season premiere of The Office. Awesome. So, like, what's good tonight?

Jeremy Sowers (4-8, 5.48) is in for the Indians. Sowers is an unfortunate young man because a) he's spent the last 3 seasons shuttling back and forth between Buffalo and Cleveland, unable to secure a place in a rotation that's about as steady as a one-legged whore giving a blowjob on a subway car, and b) his name anagrams to "Jeremy's Worse." It seems to have been true, too... even when Sabathia was turning into an emotional sack of blubber, Carmona was showing early signs of becoming the dangerous liability he is now, and Cliff Lee seemed intent on pitching his way into obscurity, it seems Mark Shapiro's reaction was always, "Eh, Jeremy's worse." Bummer, kid! He'll face another young pitcher who's, well, better: Jon Lester (15-6, 3.26).

Note that the Indians are at an even-Steven 79-79 record coming into tonight. Personally, I vote that the Red Sox in no way contribute to helping this lame-ass team finish with a winning season. Incidentally, a spectacular moment from Jerry Remy last night, talking about what it's like to be a veteran player on a total non-contender down the stretch in August and September: "It's just no fun coming to work every day," he said. I love when ballplayers drop the bullshit and tell it like it is, you know? There's only so many times you can hear someone like Vernon Wells say shit like, "well, you know, we're a good team and we've been working our hardest blah blah" before you figure that at SOME point he's got to break down and start wailing "PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY TRADE ME TO THE PHILLIES BEFORE I GET OLD AND START SUCKING!!" Shh, Vernon. There there. It'll be ok. Here's a totally meaningless nomination for the Hank Aaron award to play with.

Frivolous wager of the night: ZOMG DO WE THINK JIM AND PAM GOT ENGAGED?! Uh, I mean, I bet, like, Jhonny Peralta screws up some totally routine ground ball plays.

Serious prediction of the night: I'd say I don't think these Indians are going to get swept by a Red Sox team that's basically The AAA Extravaganza right now, but... in Lester we trust, man. Oh, and Jeremy's worse.


A Pimp Named DaveR said...

I know nobody cares about my roto team.... but let's just say that it would be reeeeeeeeealllly awesome if Grady hit a 70-base MegaGrandSlam tonight, followed by 8.2 no-hit innings from Okajima....


Hazel Maes Landing Strip said...

The Jim and Pam story line is gayer than anything you find on the Logo Channel...Yeah I looked it up

Zach Martin said...

HOW DARE YOU!!! Blasphemy.

SmartyBarrett said...

We need more anagrams on this site.

Meet your editors!

Denim Vamp Parade
A Terrific Lemur Skunk
A Baby Midget Hog Yeah
A Panhandler's Semi-Glitz
Shh, Twos!
Ratty Term Bars

Rocco said...

God damn it FMRA. Just when I finally stop having nightmares about that fucking store you pull some shit like that. Thanks.