Thursday, August 7, 2008

New England Patriots Preseason Liveglog




7:30- Turn on Patriots game, immediately see a collage of Super Bowl loss to the Giants, I want to vomit already.

7:33- This is why I love Preseason games, here is a list of players who won't be suiting up:
# QB Tom Brady
# WR Kelley Washington
# CB Jason Webster
# CB Jonathan Wilhite
# CB Ellis Hobbs
# S James Sanders
# S Rodney Harrison
# LB Mike Vrabel
# OL Ryan O'Callaghan
# WR Wes Welker
# LB Bo Ruud

WEEEEEEEE

7:37: Kick off into the end zone. My god Kyle Boller is still the QB of the Ravens, at what point does a team just move on? As I write this he launches a 21 yard REC

7:39: Ok enough of this, where is Kyle Boller and what did you do with him? Smashing the Pats defense all over the place, pre season or not, allowing Boller to move the ball gives me the runs....Linebackers finally putting pressure on Boller, fourth down time to punt.

7:40: Whoops they are on the 35, Field Goal attempt. Matt Stover knocks it through. Ravens 3 Patriots 0

7:45: Matt Cassel- is the HHIC (Head Homie in Charge, to be politically correct) for the Pats, fourth year as a back up QB. That must be a great job, being paid 7 digits to hold a clip board.

7:48: SmartyBarrett begins talking about The Assimilated Negro, I look at website, laugh my ass off at the icon on the far right, then completely miss the three and out. Matt Cassel you bore me. Sam Aiken is hurt, another reason I love preseason football, you find new players you never knew were on the team, and probably won't be in two weeks.

7:53: Patriots are having all sorts of trouble stopping Kyle Boller and Derrick Mason and the rest of this shitty offense. The fans at Gillette sound about as bored with Preseason football as I am. Big 3 & 4 and the Ravens call time out. Kyle

7:57: Adalius Thomas swallows Kyle Boller who coughs up the ball to Ty Warren, who runs around going no where. Again let me reiterate Kyler Boller has no right being a starting QB.

7:58: The HHIC gets picked off, Chad Jackson starts yelling at him. Hell I am yelling at Cassel. Fuck this I need a beer, if I am going to survive this bore-fest I need some booze.

8:02: Great job by "Lewis Sanders" I have no idea who that hell that is, evidently he is a real person, at first I thought the announcers meant James Sanders, but what the hell do I know. I am going to start a drinking game, every time the announcers say a name of a Pats player I don't know I will drink.

8:03 : Le Kevin Smith.....drink

8:10: Matt Cassel finally completes a pass to Kool Aid Lawrence Maroney who explodes for a first down. Finally something happens that gets me out of the slow coma. Oh the first quarter is over, what happened, did I miss something. No, ok good. End of First quarter Ravens 3 Patriots 0

8:13 Saints and Cardinals are playing on ESPN reasons to watch that game instead: Ed Hochuli, Tony Kornheiser, Matt Leinart and of course Ed Hochuli. Turn back on the Patriots game there is some sort of challenge that I missed, can't they ban challenges during a preseason game? Who the fuck cares if he caught it or not, it doesn't matter.

8:17 Randy Cross: "Getting some reps at Wide Receiver, another one of those guys who is used to giving and not receiving when it comes to blows".......Ok....

8:23. 21 Yards of total offense for the Pats. PANIC PANIC PANIC..Matt Cassell is getting booed very loudly by the Pats fans as he falls down after some sort of shitty looking roll out play. Ahmad Figures goes all pinball on the Pats, and returns the ball to the 2 yard line. Yikes. Touchdown by "Laron McLain" who just has to run the ball one yard and does. Ravens 10 Patriots 0

8:33- I am done, I can't subject myself to more of this, more scrubs are coming in, boring me to tears. Goodnight.

3 comments:

futuremrsrickankiel said...

OH MY GOD WE LOST A PRESEASON GAME WE MIGHT AS WELL JUST THROW IN THE FUCKING TOWEL NOW

futuremrsrickankiel said...

I guess we didn't lose yet, but the sentiment is there.

SmartyBarrett said...

"He likes to play in the box, so to speak." - Randy Cross