Monday, August 11, 2008

Lunch with the Hysterics

* This season is definitely not going like everyone predicted it would. Jesus, three games in Chicago and we end up losing two of them. Clay Buccholz did his usual, letting up three home runs, and not making it to the 5th inning as the Sox bats tried valiantly to make up for his ineptitude. Hey even Jason Varitek got a run in when he struck out at a pitch in the dirt that skipped away from the catcher. That is about the extent of offense we can expect from Tek. Seriously, demote Buchholz, I don't give a fuck if he has thrown a no hitter or fourteen perfect games, he looks lost out there when there are runners on base and he is KILLING US. Bring up Charlie Zink, David Pauley, Davern Hanseck, Michael Bowden...I don't care, anything ANYTHING will be better than the gigantic pile of horseshit Buccholz lays out there every fifth day.

*AHHHHHHH. Things get worse, Tim-may Wakefield was put on the DL with shoulder tightness. This year Wake has been the #2 guy in this rotation, easily the second most dependable starter next to Lester. He eats up innings, has only had a few of those "OH fuck Wake is getting killed" days, and has kept his ERA below 4 for most of the season. The question now lingers, who is going to start on Tuesday? Lard Ass is still a while away with his pitch count only at 30 right now. Maybe someone from the aforementioned group above. At this point I am hyperventilating about the state of the Red Sox, we now have Lester, Dice "I throw 200 pitches by the 3rd innings and can never put people away" K, Josh "'06 me is more like what I will really look like" Beckett and two empty slots in the rotation. Face it, call it pessimism, or realism the AL East is gone, focus on the Wild Card. We have no chance, this team is playing inconsistent baseball, while the Rays are winning....alot. Congrats TB, I'm sure all of your 1500 fans must be elated.

* There was all sorts of other sports related crap on TV yesterday to watch. I turned on the Olympics during prime time, and what do they have on? Synchronized Diving. My god this is possibly the most boring thing to watch, like WNBA bad, like MLS bad. Listening to the announcers critique whether they hit the water at the same time really led to some stimulating conversations, and thus put me to sleep. When I awoke FutureMrsHazelMaesLanding Strip was watching Gymnastics, which she really enjoys (me? I find it kind of weird watching 20 year old women with bodies of 8 year old boys). This was actually really funny to watch, because the USA women completely fucked up. I saw one chick completely miss her dismount and fall right on her face, another one try to spin and catch that bar thing and miss. This while all the other girls, who probably have never menstruated looked horrified. Call me a sadist but watching a group of girls dreams get completely crushed was amusing.

* Padraig Harrington won the PGA Championship after Sergio Garcia choked again. I have already touched upon boring sporting events, and will not bore you with more details of this snoozer.


Grimey said...

Padraig's par putt on 18 to ensure that Sergio wouldn't have a chance to tie... the BALLS.

futuremrsrickankiel said...

Maybe it's the olives, but for some reason I feel like that sandwich is watching me.

A Pimp Named DaveR said...

I remember that hit '80s song by Rockwell, "(I Always Feel Like) That Sandwich's Watching Me". Featuring Michael Jackson.

Hazel Maes Landing Strip said...

Genetically engineered food, be careful what you wish for.