Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Breakfast with the Hysterics

From now until the end of the Olympics HMLS will give you a different treat to help you wake up

* When did John Danks actually become good? He looked absolutely dominant against the Sox for 6 1/3 innings not allowing any hits until Kevin Youkilis ended it with a broken bat single. Danks rightfully looked pissed, like someone ran over his dog, and I got off a little. Schaudenfreuden is an amazing thing. The Sox came back when JD "SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS MANNY" Drew hit a two run double to give us the lead. Beckett looked absolutely filthy today, only allowing one run in 8 innings. It must be fun for good pitchers to face a team like the White Sox, Ozzie ball loves to make him some outs. Swing at first pitches, don't walk, shoe-laces to eye balls that's your strike zone boys. Can someone on the Red Sox training staff please have some sort of medical accident that stunts Julio Lugo's recovery. Jed Lowrie needs to be starting EVERY GAME, take that gigantic waste of salary and sit his ass on the bench. Sox win 5-1.

* Good day to be a Sox fan as both Carl Crawford and Evan "FMRA's secret lover" Longoria were both placed on the DL. There you go TB, lets see how you can handle some adversity. Did you really think that winning the AL East was going to be that easy? On the bottom half of standings, Sidney Ponson didn't pitch badly for the Yanks but their offense completely disappeared as the Yanks fell to the Twins 4-0. Though MLB should make it a rule, if you allow a home run to Adam Everett you should automatically lose. In other baseball news, Adam Dunn is going to the Diamondbacks, the MLB home run leader was traded for prospects again showing that the trading deadline is stupid. The D Backs can expect four things from Dunn: Home Runs, strike outs, walks, and absolutely no defense.

* This Michael Phelps guy is pretty good. I am definitely someone who listens to hype, I get caught up in stupid story lines, and love feel good stories. It's my achilles heel, my fatal flaw. Figured after the Synchronized Diving Fiasco (btw on our site monitor someone found Mass Hysteria by looking up "Homosexual Synchronized Diving")I would try and get into the Olympics, and well everyone is talking about this guy lets see what all this hubbub is about. Wow, he is nasty, like Tiger Woods dominant, I never thought I would be so excited to watch 8 men swimming in speedos (insert gay joke here). After his race, I was about done with the Olympics, until I found out he was racing AGAIN in an hour. Holy fuck, I was tired watching him race one race. But two?


futuremrsrickankiel said...

I just wanted to say that the new cereal I got gets soggy in milk really fast, and it pretty much ruined my fucking morning.

futuremrsrickankiel said...

Also, I don't think there's anything "secret" about Evan's and my love affair.

A Pimp Named DaveR said...

It's not like my secret crush on Amalie Benjamin, which is very secret.

SmartyBarrett said...

The Rays record is 71-46 but their Pythag. W-L is 65-52, so let's all predict a slide and we'll all look smart!


futuremrsrickankiel said...

Pretty sure I said that exact same thing in the preview last night.

Graham said...

HZML, shame on you for posting a picture of Misty's wedgie with out acknowledging her greatness. Misty and Kerri are unstoppable, the best team ever to date. Misty's defense anchors the duo and she is pretty much superhuman, as is Kerri Walsh at 6'2 1/4". Try watching more than their asses, I swear it's almost as good.