Thursday, August 28, 2008

Boston Sports Tonight




Unfortunately or fortunately, I will not be writing tonight's preview in iambic pentameter or haiku. You are just getting a straight-up preview.

Patriots v. Giants, 7:00 pm.

The Story
: If you haven't read FMRA's venomous rant against the entire Giants organization, please do. She is pretty angry, and hates everyone, which of course is pretty awesome. The obvious story line you will hear ALL NIGHT is talk of last year's Super Bowl. Prepare for video clips, references, fans with "18-1" signs, chants, and all sorts of other banal shit that will make you want to throw yourself out a window. But other than that, tonight will be the last game Matt Cassel hopefully will ever play with the Pats. He has been terrible and it's nauseating to think that we are one Mo Lewis Sack (TM) away from the Matt Cassel era with the Pats. Thankfully, this is it for the preseason. I'm no FMRA, but I couldn't resist:


The Drinking Game

* Every flashback to the Super Bowl? Drink
* Each mention of how Osi Humanurine's injury will affect the Giants D? GULP
* Talk about Michael Strahan? Guzzle
* Bored watching a preseason game? Drink straight vodka
* Need to try and destroy memories from last year? Swallow paint thinner

The Prediction: Giants 20 Pats 13

Yep, Debbie Downer is going to go ahead and say the Pats are going to lose again. I honestly don't think Belichick gives a shit about any of these preseason games. The only things he cares about are trying out new nuances to his game plan and making sure none of his players get hurt. You will not see Brady tonight; Cassel will look like shit and so will the Pats defense, probably allowing at least one precision drive by Eli. But hey, on the positive end of things:

PRESEASON FOOTBALL IS FINALLY OVER



* Baseball will also be played tonight, yet with one glaring difference. Today's games will be the first games played with Instant Replay. Umpires will now have the opportunity to review questionable home run balls. I say we take this a step further: get rid of the umpires all together and replace them with cyborgs. Can you imagine if we had Data behind the plate? There would never be a blown call. (Look, I watched Star Trek as a kid, big whoop want to fight about it?)

* Tonight is also the final night of the Democratic National Convention, and consider me sucked in. Bubba Clinton last night was on and he killed it; he oozes charisma and could probably still bang your girlfriend if he wanted to -- which, given the chance, he probably still would do. Obama has his big speech tonight and it would be fucking awesome if he came out to some hip hop and had a crew with him. If you don't give a rat's ass about politics, here is a great break down of The Top 10 Barack Obama Sports Moments.

And for your viewing pleasure:

Kid Faceplants Jumping Over Ditch - Watch more free videos

Make sure you stick around to watch it in super slow mo....

6 comments:

Zach Martin said...

Look at you linking to my site, you're too cute. You just made our "friends of the program" blog roll. Congrats, and enjoy the one
hit it brings you a week*.

*This may or may not happen.

Hazel Maes Landing Strip said...

You realize it wasn't FMRA that linked to your blog right? And you just called me cute. Even if you are gay, which is fine by me, picture a white Vince Wilfork and you know what I look like.

Zach Martin said...

Shivers and vomit, shivers and vomit.

Hazel Maes Landing Strip said...

Can the Pats just cut all the back up QB's? They are all equally terrible. If Brady gets hurt can we just forfeit? It would be alot less painful then watching this shit.

A Pimp Named DaveR said...

@HMLS:

OH MY GOD, THAT'S STEVE GROGAN'S MUSIC!!!!!

SmartyBarrett said...

I'll pick up some paint thinner on my way home today. We ran out last night.