Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Boston Sports Tonight!

Beantown at Balmer -- 7:05 In which we learn the answer to the question "So how will Clay Buchholz suck tonight?"

Clay-clay (2-8, 6.35) will oppose Baltimore native and Pink Flamingos auteur John Waters (1-0, 4.32), whom I didn't even know had started pitching professionally. Not bad for a 62-year-old. There is no word on whether Johnny Depp or Patty Hearst will be at tonight's game, or whether there will be any sort of tribute to the late, great Divine.

(What? CHRIS Waters? Who the hell is he? Welp... I wrote what I wrote, dammit.)

Yaz vs. Heart Disease -- Ongoing Captain Carl is recovering from triple bypass surgery tonight. He is probably thinking about fishing. Keep on recovering, #8....

A Pimp Named DaveR vs. Amanda Beard -- RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW, BITCH!!!! Yeah, real classy way to respond to the rumors that you're dating Michael Phelps, Mandy:

Ew. That’s nasty! C’mon, I have really good taste.

Now admittedly the BEST OLYMPIAN EVER can probably defend himself just fine.... but you don't mess with my also-has-big-sticky-out-ears homeboy, bitch, unless you're ready to rumble.

Yeah, how many golds do you have, Beard? Aw, only one? Wait, what's that? Michael Phelps has won more GOLD medals IN THE PAST WEEK than the number of medals of any color you've won IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE???? Yeah, I BET he's not your "type", you horse-faced c-word. Michael Phelps' sperm swim faster than you, you stuck-up whore. Why don't you go back to Mr. Hefner and see how much money you can squeeze out of the last 30 seconds of your 15 minutes, honey?

Besides, we all know your REAL "type"... and why you're moving to Florida soon (wink wink)....



Hey Amanda! Guess what you can go suck?

8 comments:

futuremrsrickankiel said...

can't... stop... looking... at... Michael Phelps' junk...

Grimey said...

In that picture, Michael Phelps looks like an Applause-O-Meter

Pepster said...

OK - you caught us. Amanda Beard is moving to Florida ... because she is moving in with me.

Hazel Maes Landing Strip said...

Jesus, I go away for two days and come back and FMRA is posting pictures of men's dicks. Don't worry guys I will have a special treat for us in the morning.

A Pimp Named DaveR said...

READ YOUR TAGS, STRIP.....

futuremrsrickankiel said...

Yeah, read above... I didn't post this. APNDR did. Which is arguably more disturbing.

Rocco said...

Along those lines I was positive a jealous female wrote this.

Amanda Beard naked in Playboy > whatever pose that is Phelps.

A Pimp Named DaveR said...

Bros before snaggle-toothed stuck-up sunt hos, people.