Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Boston Sports Tonight!

Red Sox v. Rangers, 7:05 pm. I rather doubt that the bats in either dugout will have much juice left in them after Clobberpalooza 2K8, so hopefully tonight's duel between Jon Lester (10-4, 3.23) and Luis Mendoza (3-5, 7.50) will be a nice, peaceful, just-shy-of-3-hours victory.

The big bummer is that Mikey LOL has been officially placed on the DL with an oblique injury he suffered last night in addition to the strained hip flexor muscle he's been struggling with lately (also known in the vernacular as "old man fatigue"). PawSox pitching stud and frequent visitor to the Sox rotation David Pauley has been summoned to take his spot and try to stop the Sox' pitching staff's massive hemorrhaging of earned runs and consistency. I did a bit of a thingy on him earlier this year in case you need a refresher. Pauley "Walnuts" looked good in 7 innings for Pawtucket at the Futures game on Saturday (2 runs allowed on 4 hits with 4K), but, as Charlie Zink reminded us last night, pitching well in Pawtucket means absolutely dick when you're up against the .281 team average that is The Rangers Machine.

With Lowell out, the Sox lineup is once again impossibly wacky. Brace yourselves:

1. J.D. Drew, who probably hasn't batted leadoff regularly since 2nd-grade teeball
2. Dustin Pedroia
3. David Ortiz
4. Kevin Youkilis, who had two whopping homers last night
5. Jason Bay
6. Jed Lowrie (eeeeeeeeeeeeeee!)
7. Sean Casey
8. Jason Varitek.
9. Coco Crisp

In other words: white, white, not white but not technically "black," white, white, white, white, white, and cereal.

I'll be at the game tonight in my Jed Lowrie shirt. Whee! GO SOX!

Frivolous prop bet of the night: Scientific analysis reveals that Ron Washington is actually made entirely out of fossilized wood through which a weak electric current has been passed.

Serious prediction of the night: God, this poor Texas pitcher seriously blows. I honest to god feel like he's going to get shelled. AND I BET MY BABY JED FINALLY GETS HIS SECOND HOME RUN.


A Pimp Named DaveR said...

not white but not technically "black"

= Easier to control.


Zach Martin said...

This is the dancing cuzin-usher-for-Braves of Ron Washington

Creepy as fuck...if anyone finds a video of him I will give you 10 dollars. Must come to chicago to get said 10 dollars