Red Sox v. Royals, 8:10 pm. Behold: a bit of baseball banter. In a banner bafflingly buttressed with B's, Boston's Browne breaks that "Boston believes in Beckett's brilliance". Bold! Can Beckett (9-8, 4.15) buoy Boston's ballgame? Beware our bats, Brian Bannister (7-9, 5.33)!
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Anyway, now that Jason Bay has officially gone all the way at Fenway, it's time for us to set our sights on new and loftier goals. Like, for example, not losing two in a row to the goddamn Royals. GIL MECHE IS THEIR ACE. They're like the Poland of MLB: landlocked and utterly defenseless. I guess that would make us the Nazis so I'm going to go ahead and cut that analogy short right there. Point is, we can't be dropping games to shitty teams like Kansas City when we're still 3 games out of first place. So, like, go Red Sox.
Fun fact of the day: Since Friday, my fantasy team is batting .214 with 7 home runs and 14 RBIs. Without Ryan Ludwick, they're .168 with 4 home runs and 10 RBIs. That's so godawful I could just curl up in a corner and cry. What did we learn, kids? DON'T DRAFT PRINCE FIELDER IN THE FIRST ROUND YOU WILL SPEND THE REST OF THE SEASON MIRED IN SELF-LOATHING. Gahh!
Frivolous prop bet of the night: Didya see that insane-o brawl the Royals got into with the ChiSox this weekend? Sam Mellinger of the Kansas City Star suggested that the fight was "another small step on the franchise's path back to relevance." Really, Sam? Seemed pretty moronic to me. I'm pretty sure no pitchers in the AL actually give enough of a crap about Miguel Olivo to deliberately go after him. "These Royals are suddenly looking a lot like the potent Beltran-Dye-Damon-Sweeney teams of the early 2000s," writes Sam. I'll ask again: really, Sam? Like the team that went 77-85 in 2000? Or 65-97 in 2001? Or a holy-shit-let's-just-give-up-now-and-sell-the-team-for-spare-parts 62-100 in 2002? (Please note that 2002 was also the year Detroit finished 55-106, which kind of makes you wonder how on earth the AL Central as a whole, let alone the Royals, has continued to maintain any sort of relevance.) Anyhoodle, my issues with our friend Sam's analysis of the fight aside, the Red Sox are a team that people love to go after, and I'd love to see a fight tonight. I'm calling David DeJesus taking a swing at mega-Christian JD Drew after Drew tells him his name is blasphemous or something. Ooh, or maybe Josh Beckett and Gil Meche (god I love ripping on Gil Meche) will come to blows after a "tubby face/gross chin pubes" contest ends in a hopeless draw. Fightfightfight! IT'S IMPORTANT TO YOUR TEAM'S RELEVANCE DAMMIT!
Serious prediction of the night: I really, really miss the '07 Beckett. I bet he'll be back to form tonight (despite the purported Damon-esque prowess of this KC offense). 8 innings, 3 hits, 1 ER, several million Ks. BOOM!
Bay bats bizarrely, but Boston bowls over Bannister, breezes by Blue as Beckett baffles bats. Beautiful!
I think I should go to bed. Which also begins with B. Bye!