Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Boston Sports Tonight! *NOW WITH UPDATE*

Red Sox v. Royals, 8:10 pm. Behold: a bit of baseball banter. In a banner bafflingly buttressed with B's, Boston's Browne breaks that "Boston believes in Beckett's brilliance". Bold! Can Beckett (9-8, 4.15) buoy Boston's ballgame? Beware our bats, Brian Bannister (7-9, 5.33)!

Bully!

This game preview has been brought to you by the letter B.


Anyway, now that Jason Bay has officially gone all the way at Fenway, it's time for us to set our sights on new and loftier goals. Like, for example, not losing two in a row to the goddamn Royals. GIL MECHE IS THEIR ACE. They're like the Poland of MLB: landlocked and utterly defenseless. I guess that would make us the Nazis so I'm going to go ahead and cut that analogy short right there. Point is, we can't be dropping games to shitty teams like Kansas City when we're still 3 games out of first place. So, like, go Red Sox.

Fun fact of the day: Since Friday, my fantasy team is batting .214 with 7 home runs and 14 RBIs. Without Ryan Ludwick, they're .168 with 4 home runs and 10 RBIs. That's so godawful I could just curl up in a corner and cry. What did we learn, kids? DON'T DRAFT PRINCE FIELDER IN THE FIRST ROUND YOU WILL SPEND THE REST OF THE SEASON MIRED IN SELF-LOATHING. Gahh!

Frivolous prop bet of the night: Didya see that insane-o brawl the Royals got into with the ChiSox this weekend? Sam Mellinger of the Kansas City Star suggested that the fight was "another small step on the franchise's path back to relevance." Really, Sam? Seemed pretty moronic to me. I'm pretty sure no pitchers in the AL actually give enough of a crap about Miguel Olivo to deliberately go after him. "These Royals are suddenly looking a lot like the potent Beltran-Dye-Damon-Sweeney teams of the early 2000s," writes Sam. I'll ask again: really, Sam? Like the team that went 77-85 in 2000? Or 65-97 in 2001? Or a holy-shit-let's-just-give-up-now-and-sell-the-team-for-spare-parts 62-100 in 2002? (Please note that 2002 was also the year Detroit finished 55-106, which kind of makes you wonder how on earth the AL Central as a whole, let alone the Royals, has continued to maintain any sort of relevance.) Anyhoodle, my issues with our friend Sam's analysis of the fight aside, the Red Sox are a team that people love to go after, and I'd love to see a fight tonight. I'm calling David DeJesus taking a swing at mega-Christian JD Drew after Drew tells him his name is blasphemous or something. Ooh, or maybe Josh Beckett and Gil Meche (god I love ripping on Gil Meche) will come to blows after a "tubby face/gross chin pubes" contest ends in a hopeless draw. Fightfightfight! IT'S IMPORTANT TO YOUR TEAM'S RELEVANCE DAMMIT!

Serious prediction of the night: I really, really miss the '07 Beckett. I bet he'll be back to form tonight (despite the purported Damon-esque prowess of this KC offense). 8 innings, 3 hits, 1 ER, several million Ks. BOOM!





***GAME UPDATE!***
Bay bats bizarrely, but Boston bowls over Bannister, breezes by Blue as Beckett baffles bats. Beautiful!





I think I should go to bed. Which also begins with B. Bye!

8 comments:

A Pimp Named DaveR said...

The Red Sox: Brought to you by the letter B, hitting like the number 2.

Hazel Maes Landing Strip said...

I have something in common with Papi, I heard a clicking in my wrist during the Red Sox game as well. But that was mostly due to the Heidi Watney interviews...

Zach Martin said...

"GIL MECHE IS THEIR ACE"

A fellow Zach has something to say about that...

futuremrsrickankiel said...

Greinke is very good, but as I understand it Meche is still their #1 starter, no? Much in the way that Lester has better numbers on the season, but Beckett is still our #1.

Hazel Maes Landing Strip said...

Wait, I thought even though he is hurt Curt Schilling was our #1

Zach Martin said...

@FMRA - I guess. I hate it when shitty pitchers still are considered #1's. That's lame. Gil Meche sucks Peter Kings' sentimental (vieny) boner with his sweet ERA+ of 105. Meh. Your boy (and mine), Harden gave up 5 runs today. Something bad is happening...

The A-Train said...

I'm guessing geography wasn't your favorite subject in school. Poland's not land locked, it's actually got 328 miles of coast (yes, I had to look up how many miles on Wiki. Shush you!) They are still quiet weak however, much like the Ukraine and the back end of the Yankees rotation.

Zach Martin said...

I think she meant Belgium...wait...shit...i'll get back to you on that