Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Straight from the Elijah Duke Case Files

You dead dawg...

Ex Patriot Willie Andrews continued his path towards self destruction last weekend after he threatened to kill his girlfriend.

Let's take a look at the chain of events:

1. Girlfriend confronts Andrews about alleged infidelity, after intercepting a text message from local hoodrat who wanted to "lick him like a lollipop"
2. Andrews responds by going beserk, at this point girlfriend realizes that he might have actually cheated on her...
3. Shoves high capacity Glock .45 to girlfriends head and threatens to kill her. Girlfriend is now certain that Andrews cheated on her, and he is probably a sociopath.
4. Girlfriend calls police, who find gun , promptly arrest Andrews, world rejoices as lunatic is put into prison, hopefully can't cause any more damager. Girlfriend finally realizes that she is dating Ted Bundy.
5. Andrews is released from Patriots, can't do further harm to teams sterling reputation. Andrews now has plenty of time to use illegal drugs and beat the crap out of whatever poor woman is dating him.

Over the years you hear stories about domestic violence "so and so shoved his girlfriend's head into the hood of his car", "What's his face punched his wife in the face" but this one takes the cake. You'd figure Andrews would have learned his lesson when Lowell police found him in the car high off his ass smoking a fatty, but I guess some people never learn.

/Crosses fingers that the Cowboys signs him


futuremrsrickankiel said...

Domestic violence is never funny!

/envisions your fiance beating the crap out of you
/dies laughing

Comicbook Guy said...

/crosses fingers the Giants sign him

Rocco said...

First mistake is having a fiance.