Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Breakfast With the Hysterics


*Red Sox defeat Mariner Menace 4-2 - All-Star MVP and "Dude We're All Really Sorry For Making Fun Of" J.D. Drew knocked in two runs in an otherwise nondescript game. Matsuzaka (If I read "Dice-K" one more time, I'm going to test out the "rapists choke" maneuver that I saw on UFC one night) is now 11-1 with a 2.63 ERA, and allows a .158 OBA on the road. Weirdest Daisuke stat ever: No. 5, 6, 7 and 9 hitters are batting a combined .089 against Matsuzaka. Number 8 hitters? They're hitting .342. Somewhere, Jose Molina is wringing his hands in anticipation.

*In the ugliest fight this side of a Klitschko brother sparring session, some WNBA players got into an "Adam's Apple Battle" last night. Former Mass Hysteria correspondent Doyle McPoyle put it best when he noted this morning that "I haven't seen that many dykes go nuts since Hurricane Katrina." Below, we have a video of the strategy for a WNBA fight, through the joy of song:

*Nicky the Rat Kaczur paid a $355 fine and had his drug possession charge thrown out after getting caught with 202 OxyContin pills. The hearing was presided over by 80-year-old Town Justice Steven Wolanin, an undertaker by trade. Wolanin apparently let Kaczur off light after Kaczur revealed the location of Paul Bearer's urn. In a related story, there's just one day until training camp starts, and the Patriots can break our hearts all over again.

6 comments:

A Pimp Named DaveR said...

Mothra. He's Mothra. Get with the program!

futuremrsrickankiel said...

WHY CAN'T I COMMENT

futuremrsrickankiel said...

oh there we go

futuremrsrickankiel said...

...anyway, what I was going to say was thus:

1) I NEVER MADE FUN OF JD DREW

2) That really is an amazing stat about Matsuzaka. Great find!

Rocco said...

WHY ARE YOU TYPING IN CAPS? WE KNOW YOU NEVER MADE FUN OF DL DREW. LOUD NOISES.

Pepster said...

Several comments to make.

1. I agree with FMRA - great stat on Daisuke. He probably just relaxes too much to the 8th hitter knowing that he has an easy out with the pitcher coming up next. Huh? DH? Oh - never mind.

2. No fight involving Candace Parker could ever be "ugly".

3. On ESPN radio about 3 or 4 years ago, Eric Kuselius was talking about over and underated players. He decided that nobody ever talks about "rated" players - meaning those players who are exactly what everyone thinks they are (cue Dennis Green). After a couple of segments, he decided that J.D. Drew was the most rated player in baseball. I didn't stick around for the football and basketball segments.