Monday, July 7, 2008

Boston Sports Tonight!

Red Sox v. Twins, 7:05 pm. Welcome home, boys. Remember what it feels like to be winning the division? CAUSE I SURE AS SHIT DON'T. Ahem. Here's hoping a return to good ol' Fenway will set our boys right as rain again. The Sox kick off a three-game series tonight against the Twinny Twin Twins, who are on a rip-roaring 18-of-21 win streak thanks to some bangup starting pitching and peppy young offense. The Twins have a 50-38 record to our 52-39 record (WHEN IN THE MOTHERFUCK ARE THESE DISCREPANCIES GOING TO BE MADE UP BUD SELIG WE ARE HALFWAY THROUGH THE COTTON-PICKING SEASON) and are a single game back from the White Sox in the heated battle for AL Central Supremacy. (Johan Who?) Hurrah, that's all well and good for the Twins (and smolderingly handsome power-hitting catcher Joe Mauer, whom I'd suggest as a perfectly good replacement for the erstwhile-discussed 'Tek). I hope we mash them like so many sweet potatoes. Ooh, and maybe bake them with those little marshmallows on the top. They eat shit like that in the Midwest, right? Here ya go, tubbies! Anyway, tonight will see young Twins starter/former futuremrsrickankiel fantasy team love affair gone sour Scott Baker (5-2, 3.65) getting pitchy with it against Daisuke Matsuzaka (9-1, 3.12).

Ps. Ups to Minnesota for having the best team slogan I've seen this year. And by "best" I mean "stupidest." THIS IS YOUR STATE. THIS IS YOUR TEAM. It's like you're teaching a slow kid about baseball. THIS IS THE PITCHER. THIS IS THE BALL. Jaysus they must be slow out there. Like watching "Fargo" on repeat, ONLY IT'S YOUR LIFE.

Yeah I've got no idea where all this Minnesota hate came from. On to the usual:

Frivolous prop bet of the night: C.C. Sabathia will eat this man.

Serious prediction of the night: My word this is going to be a good game. Seriously. Get out there (wherever "there" may be) and watch it. I feel like Baker will start out strong but I bet the Sawx can get to him in the 4th.

A MassHysteria fist-pound to StartingAces for the incredibly bizarre BBQ sauce story.


Rocco said...

Ah, the Oracle has spoken. What did she tell you Neo?

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