Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Boston Sports THIS AFTERNOON: Special Edition!

Red Sox v. Mariners, 4:40 pm. The Sox are toying with the non-bristly end of a broom at The Safe this afternoon as Clay "Remember My No-Hitter? Trade Me For Brian Fuentes" Buchholz (2-5, 5.88) takes on Felix "I Kind Of Look Like Melky Cabrera Only Without The Derisive Sneer" Hernandez (7-6, 2.95). King Felix has 109 Ks on the season, but the totally lame M's have only given him an average of 3.47 runs per start over 17 games so far this season. Strikes me that he should still have been able to eke out a few more wins with those stats, given that 2.95 is LESS than 3.47, but what the fuck do I know about baseball? The Mariners have never seen Buchholz' dancing curveball and irritating array of hemp-y necklaces before, though, so this pitching matchup actually has quite a bit of potential for excitement (more so than last night's game, anyway, which was about as lame as I predicted). Too bad we're all stuck at work.

Frivolous prop bet of the afternoon: Last August, Coco Crisp narrowly avoided becoming roadkill when the Mariner Moose clipped him with his ATV near the Red Sox dugout. (The Moose has since had his driving privileges indefinitely suspended.) Yesterday night, Crisp was nearly rammed into by a hustling Jacoby Ellsbury when running for a fly ball in the 9th (it's supposed to default to the centerfielder, I believe). Boy's like a walking Chevy Chase sketch whenever we get out to Seattle. What wacky mishap will befall him today? I would love to see him get stuck in the retractable roof at Safeco somehow, but that seems unlikely. Maybe that hideous chandelier made of bats will fall on him and trap him like a foiled villain in a bad spy thriller. "CURSE YOU, RAÚL IBÁÑEZ! I WILL HAVE MY VENGEANCE!!"

Serious prediction of the afternoon: It'll be a lengthy game with a high strikeout count; both pitchers will tire by the 6th and it'll be a Suckoff Royale between these two totally lame bullpens for which team manages not to lose. Whoopadeedoo.


A Pimp Named DaveR said...

Wow... that IS hideous.

Pepster said...

You can't trade Bucholz for Fuentes, b/c my Marlins are going to trade someone for Fuentes!

Rocco said...

Hideous doesn't begin to describe that thing. WTF?