Thoughts on the basketball offseason:
- James Posey signs with Hornets – I don’t begrudge Posey for signing with a team that offered him more years, but I think Posey can ask Damien Woody, Johnny Damon and Pedro Martinez how all of that turns out. Was Posey a great addition to last year’s championship team? Of course, and he'll be missed. But is he worth carrying around when he’s 36 and is still making $6.25 million per year? Definitely not, especially for a guy who has offensively averaged 9.2./4.9/1.8 for his career, and hasn’t averaged double-figure points since 2003-2004. Kudos to Danny for not overspending for sentimentality’s sake, something which Theo will probably do this fall when negotiating with Varitek.
- C’s re-sign Allen and House, sign Patrick O’Bryant – Of these three, the only signing I really agree with is House, who finally seems to have found a fit with the Celtics after playing for nearly every team in the league. Tony Allen is absolute garbage, always has been garbage, and always will be garbage. My girlfriend cowers in fear whenever Allen is put into a game, because that’s when I generally throw something across the room. And all I can say about Patrick O’Bryant is that the Bakersfield Jam sure will miss his interior presence. Though it'll be fun to see how many Irish guys buy Patrick O'Bryant jerseys, only to find out he's a black guy.
- Elton Brand
rips off his shirt to reveal he’s joined the nWosigns with the Sixers – Does that make Baron Davis Fake Sting, Crow Sting or Red-and-Black Sting? Either way, the Sixers will still be mediocre and Baron will probably average 45 shots per game. So that’ll be fun.
- Raptors trade for Jermaine O’Neal – So the Raptors now have two ridiculously soft power forwards who utterly cower in all pressure situations? And one of them has a bad knee to boot? Skeets is gonna be pissssssed. Though the Jose Calderon Era should be fun as hell to watch now that he doesn’t have to wait for T.J. Ford to slip out of consciousness in order to get playing time.
- Players go back to Afr... Europe? – Recently, there’s been talk about how the strength of the Euro has drawn free agents to Europe, including Carlos Delfino, Bostjan Nachbar, Juan Carlos Navarro and Jorge Garbajosa. Wait, so a bunch of European-born reserves who never really made much of an impact are signing back in Europe? Does that make Viktor Khryapa the modern day Marcus Garvey? And while Josh Childress is reportedly entertaining an offer from a Greek team, it’s mostly because nobody here wants to pay him anything close to the midlevel exception. "Waah, nobody wants me and my stupid afro so I’ll blame it on the economy, waaah." Curtis Borchardt, Casey Jacobsen and the Collins twins would also like to blame the American dollar for their Stanford-educated epic failures.
- Interlocking Cock Rings - The Olympic basketball tournament, or as I’m starting to refer to them, "The Ricky Rubio Coming Out Party," begins in a few weeks. I’m sure Kobe, LeBron and Carmelo will find a way to share the ball nicely while tailoring their games to the fundamentals-driven nature of international basketball. Also, Ricky Rubio owns your soul: