Monday, June 9, 2008

A Quick Snack with the Hysterics

Hysteria Central has been invaded by a wave of Sneering Corpses of Ray Allen, so we're sort of in lock-the-door-and-grab-the-shotguns mode here. (This is my boomstick....) Anyhow, here's what you missed while we totally slacked off fought off zombie UConners this weekend...

  • Celtics defeat some team from Kobe, Japan that wears purple, or something. Also, "Gino" is dead. Deal with it. (The real Gino -- Vanelli -- continues to be alive, and Canadian.) Basketball fans continue to humor these teams while waiting for the WNBA, who -- of course -- have next.

  • Red Sox, behind the power of CAAAAAAAAAASHHHHHHH* (and, um, Justin Masterson) take 2 of 3 from the woeful-but-looking-somewhat-less-woeful Mariners. J.D. Poo has stepped up... LIKE A MAN, going something like 24-25 since Papi went down. (Statistics may be incorrect due to laziness.)

  • I'm sure the Revs played at some point, right? Yay Revs!

  • Big Brown lays a big brown one on the track at Belmont, pulling an Operation Shutdown in the back turn. Quoth his jockey: "[On that turn] I had no horse." Quoth Big Brown: "Did you SEE what they did to that chick at the Derby? Nuh-uh. You can take this racing crap and shove it up your monkey asses, people. I'm outie 5000. Bring on the sex!"

  • The Pimp returned to Fenway after a long (since May 4th) absence. The big news? Heidi Watney turned out to be a LOT hotter in person than she looks on TV. Color this pimp surprised, aroused, and a little shocked. Hazel who?

*May not have played any actual role in the victories.

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