Monday, June 30, 2008
at 3:45 PM Posted by futuremrsrickankiel
Red Sox v. Rays, 7:10 pm. The Sox make the switch from Minute Maid to Tropicana -- more vitamins! -- to kick off a series with the Rays, those scrappy sons-a-bitches who managed to gain a half-game lead on us thanks to our Texas suckitude this weekend. Tempers flared in memorable fashion last time these two teams collided, and with Grade-A Jackass James Shields (5-5, 3.76) on the mound for Tampa Bay tonight it's likely that hostilities will continue. Baby-faced stringbean Justin Masterson (4-1, 3.43) looks about as dangerous as Big Bird on Ambien, so hopefully he'll have enough common sense to keep out of the bullshit. Meanwhile, Akinori Iwamura better have found himself some gat-damn full-body Kevlar because that dude just cannot get a break from nasty slides at second. It's no secret that I love me some Evan Longoria, but I'm getting pretty sick of the Rays and their crap. We've got 3 divisional series (plus one with the suddenly hot Twins) before the All-Star Break, which means an opportunity to head into the break with a solid lock on first. STARTING TONIGHT. Boom!
Frivolous prop bet of the night: Someone is going to get punched.
Serious prediction of the night: No, seriously. Someone is going to get punched. Probably Iwamura, in fact. He's like the straight man in an old-timey pie-throwing slapstick short, where everyone around him keeps throwing pies and then ducking and he's always the one who winds up taking a pie to the face. Except instead of "a pie to the face" it's "a cleat to the groin."
Hey, remember in game 1 of the NLCS last year when Justin Upton plowed into Kaz Matsui at second base (and the sky grew dark with flying garbage)? Is there... there can't be... some kind of insane MLB-wide conspiracy to eliminate all second basemen of Japanese descent? Is... oh god! Someone get Tad Iguchi on the phone! NO ONE IS SAFE!
/is kidnapped by Bud Selig's thugs
/re-emerges a decade later, babbling about the importance of interleague play and the irrelevance of a salary cap in the post-steroids era
2 + 2 = 5