Thursday, June 12, 2008

Boston Sports Tonight!

Red Sox v. Orioles, 6:05 pm. Certain crotchety old editors of this site may find the mellifluous croonings of Darryl Hall more exciting than this series with Baltimore, but I say the O’s pitching has been a terrific lot of fun to watch this season (without Bedard, amazingly. Remember how lame the Power Rangers got once the Green/White/Plaid/
Whateverthefuck Ranger showed up, even though he was more powerful and junk? I guess this is the exact opposite of that). My personal favorite Oriole (besides you, Nick Markakis, don’t worry), righty Jeremy Guthrie (3-6, 3.40), will be pitching tonight for Baltimore. Guthrie’s been living up to the splash he made as a rookie last year, but his team has stubbornly refused to give him any run support until recently. Boo you lamewads. Also, can somebody please update this poor guy’s Wikipedia page? Squaring off against Guthrie is Jon Lester (4-3, 3.50). This particular pairing of prepossessing pitchers quite frankly gets me all hot and bothered, and has my vote for best Sox pitching matchup of the week. Both starters tonight have been solid against the other team so far this year: each has started 2 games against the opposing team, and Lester’s allowed only 5 total RBIs while Guthrie’s let up only 4. Good stuff here tonight!

Celtics v. Lakers, 9:00 pm. Good lord, are the NBA playoffs STILL going on?! All I know is there’s no way I’m watching this shit with the sound on, since I simply cannot deal with another minute of Mark Jackson’s fawning over Kobe Bryant. Ooh, Sasha Vujacic just nailed an essentially game-clinching 3 on an assist from Lamar Odom? Well CLEARLY the appropriate commentarial reaction is to start gushing about how SMART and how AWESOME KOBE is for drawing the double-team. Oh yeah Sasha I guess he did some stuff too. FUCK YOU MARK JACKSON WHY DON’T YOU MAKE SOME MORE BEYONCE REFERENCES YOU BIG DUMMY. Guhhhhhhhh. I generally enjoy the ABC/ESPN team (especially when Jeff van Gundy gets all spluttery with Mark and Mike), but I found the 4th-quarter Kobe love-fest during the last game un-fucking-bearable. Anyway, the one thing that Game 3 (or "Brickapalooza") demonstrated was that the Celtics are perfectly capable of beating the Lakers at home. We certainly shut down their highly-touted finesse offense -- holding a team that had previously been averaging 105 PPG in the playoffs to a mere 87 points is no mean feat -- and if we can keep up the physicality of our play ***WITHOUT SACRIFICING THE QUALITY OF OUR SHOOTING ARE YOU LISTENING CELTICS*** then I see no reason why we can’t take this game tonight before heading back to Boston remaining in LA for one more (goddamn) game. We’re in it to win it, baby.

Frivolous prop bet of the night: Tim Donaghy appears on 60 Minutes to tearfully confess that the NBA paid out millions of dollars between 2002 and 2005 to families of NBA players affected by crooked refereeing in order to buy their silence.

Serious prediction of the night: Oh fuck it. I’m predicting a 40-point game for Garnett. Again.


A Pimp Named DaveR said...


futuremrsrickankiel said...

I hate you.

A Pimp Named DaveR said...

Just close the door on the way out. And clean yourself up first -- I don't want the neighbors talking.

/throws rag

Hazel Maes Landing Strip said...

I did not realize that Jeremy Guthrie was a Mormon. A believer that Joseph Smith was a prophet.