Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Boston Sports Tonight!

Red Sox v. Orioles, 6:05 pm. Jacob Riis would no doubt have some sort of photographic commentary to offer up on the highly stratified current state of the AL East. The Sox and the Rays remain neck-and-neck in the battle for first place with records of 40-26 and 38-26, respectively (note the 2-game discrepancy, due to the fact that MLB scheduling this year was clearly done by a semi-retarded border collie using an abacus and the menstrual cycle of a 14-year-old Lithuanian girl as guides). Meanwhile, the Jays, Yanks, and O’s are all mired in a half-assed quest to be third best (check the INTERNAL RHYME SCHEME, yo) at 7 games back of the Sox, all sporting even-Steven .500 records (again, even though Toronto has played 66 games and Baltimore has played only 62. CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN HOW AND WHEN THESE GAMES WILL BE MADE UP). In what will no doubt be a classic example of “the rich get richer and the poor get poorer,” the Orioles arrive at Fenway for a 3-game series tonight. The fact that Baltimore has a sporting chance of heading into the All-Star break with 50+ wins is actually pretty cool considering that the kids only managed a total of 69 wins last year (and, if I recall last years’ playoffs correctly, will be about 6+ games more than they need to guarantee them a playoffs berth). Still, the Sox are 25-6 at home so far this season, and the O’s will be facing the tasty trio of Josh Beckett, Bartolo Colon (seriously, if you’d told me at this time last year that Colon would be a 2nd-in-the-rotation starter for a world championship team this season, I would have cut off your mamajuana privileges for the rest of the night), and Jon Lestahhh. Tonight’s matchup will feature Beckett (6-4, 4.07) against the monstrously tall Daniel Cabrera (5-2, 3.98) Game starts early so don’t miss it!

Celtics v. Lakers, 9:00 pm. I mentioned earlier this week that you’d be just plain foolish to think that a 2-0 series lead against a dominant team like the Lakers is anything like a comfortable cushion. Shit’s about as comfortable as those stuffy little pillows on the beds at your Aunt Mildred’s house. I TOLD YOU BEFORE, THOSE ARE JUST FOR DECORATION. Anyhoo, my misgivings about this trip to LA aside, I’m excited to see what will happen tonight. It’s fully possible, of course, that the Lakers will absolutely curb-stomp us; then again, the unexpected dominance we saw in all but the last 4 minutes of the first two games could translate quite nicely over to the West Coast. Or, we could have an evenly-matched contest that’s exciting to watch and fun for the whole family! So, in other words, it’s a pretty standard athletic contest with the standard possible outcomes, except with about 70,000 more minutes of ESPN archive footage to accompany it.

Frivolous prop bet of the night: The Celts/Lakers game coverage is interrupted when the cast of “The Hills” shows up and proceeds to glower at the camera for 40 solid minutes.

Serious prediction of the night: People keep saying that this is the game that Kobe explodes for 40+ points. Fuck that, say I. Kevin “The God King” Garnett’s been having trouble shooting so far in this series… I say that this is the game HE knocks back 40+. Suck on that, Kobe.

1 comment:

Stewart said...

Great article Raquel - thanks for not dumping on the O's too hard - isn't their underdog status so cute! Kind of like an underpuppy.