Friday, May 9, 2008

The Weekly Rave

It's the end of a long and exciting week in the world of Boston sports. Let's give a little praise where praise is due, and not give any where people just plain suck...

A long, loud boo to the pretzels in Chex Mix. Seriously, everything else about Chex Mix is so awesome and crunchy and salty, and the pretzels are just dead weight that keeps everything else from gelling together perfectly. MUCH LIKE JULIO LUGO.

A golf clap for Rajon Rondo for having a name that sounds all kinds of awesome when Eddie Palladino hollers it out over the PA system at the Garden. It’s got just the right cadence to carry through your TV and make you feel like you’re sitting right fucking there. “RAJOOOOON RON-DOOOOO!” Ah, yes. There it is.

A hearty cheer to the 5 members of the Bruins who are currently representing their home countries at the IIHF (International Ice Hockey Federation) World Championships. Tim Thomas, Phil Kessel, and hottie Mark Stuart are all in for the US (Stuart as assistant captain!), while fleet-footed rookie David Krejci is playing for the Czech Republic and big bad ├╝bermensch Marco Sturm is in for ze Germanz. Currently in the preliminary rounds, Team USA has won two games (against Latvia and Slovenia) and lost one (a thrillingly close 5-4 loss to Canada. BOOOO). Ha! You knew I’d work hockey in here somehow.

Thunderous applause for the Papi/Manny duo, which seems to be hitting its stride again. Watching that pair of back-to-back taters against the Tigers in Game 2 of this past series felt like putting on old, comfy jeans. Ahh. There it is. Hey, what’s this? A phone number? Who the hell is Jason and why do I have his number? Uh… [ahem]

A standing ovation for Josh Beckett, who posted RIDICULOUS numbers against Detroit last night and looked like the ace we all know and love. Beckett went 7 innings and struck out 8 with only one run allowed and no batters walked for an ERA of 1.29 and a WHIP of 0.86 on the night. Hey, Detroit: turns out you’re great for our stats. Come over any time! Bring your Stretch Armstrong!

And, finally, a curtain call for James Posey, who has done a simply spectacular job of shutting down Crybaby LeBron in the past two games against the Cavs. Last night he was practically snatching baskets out of King James’ hands. There’s been a lot of lip service paid to the “defense first” nature of the Celtics’ game, but few players in this post season have embodied that as clearly and powerfully as Posey. Also it’s funny because his first name is the same as LeBron’s last name LOLLERSKATEZ!

Anything I left off? YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME BEFORE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. Just kidding, we're cool. Have a great Friday afternoon, everyone!


Hazel Maes Landing Strip said...

Theres something in my pants that is giving Heidi Watney's rookie performance a standing ovation.

GHABB,Y~! said...

Up top is what I picture the toilet bowl looks like when girls poop on their period.

futuremrsrickankiel said...

<-- decency

================= <-- the line

X <-- you

futuremrsrickankiel said...


Lugo out with a "headache"... what a dingus. He sounds like a cranky suburban housewife trying to get out of sex.