Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Sky Falling; Begin Panic

This is not good.

Something worse than zombie flu has apparently been incubating in the Red Sox clubhouse. It is that most dreaded of all baseball diseases: meatballitis fastballia, also known as "Schiraldi's Disease." Its latest victim? Josh Beckett, who served up what can best be described as "some weak-ass shit" to the Baltimore Ornithologically-Correct Orioles last night. Result? After delivering some particularly weak-ass shit to Luke Scott (one of the 42 players the Orioles received in exchange for Miggy Tejada and His Magical Bag of Syringes Happy Baseball Fun), an early 3-0 lead against Brother Jeremydiah Guthrie became a 5+ inning, 13 baserunner loss for Mr. Becks. Also, J.D. Poo almost snapped his hand off at the wrist, and Coco left with an achey-poo in the tum-tum.

Which means, of course, that your AL East leader is.....

... who are spanking the Yankees (say that ten times fast -- it's fun!) with their young pitching down in Tampa St. Petersburg. Clearly this a sign of the End Times. Make your peace with God while you can.

This afternoon, Lester the Molester takes the hill in a rare 3:05 weekday start against the Orioles' staff giant (6'7) Daniel Cabrera, who has shown flashes of greatness in his young career.... except against the Red Sox (1-9 with a 7.84 ERA in 11 career starts). So we've got that going for us. Take heart, dear friends!

And if that doesn't pick up your spirits, this will for at least half of you. I know it always warms the cockles of my heart.....


futuremrsrickankiel said...

/rents garments
/throws ashes on head
/sacrifices goat to various deities


Pepster said...

Does the same thing, but more for Heather Graham than any sports team.