Monday, May 5, 2008

People: Please Chill The Fuck Out Over This Red Sox/Yankees Shit


By now, many to all of you have heard/read about the peach of a belle to the left, Ivonne Hernandez, who drove her car into a crowd of people outside a bar in Nashua, because people were yelling "Yankees suck" at her. Normally this would just be sad and pathetic, as is the case anytime a person defines their sense of self-worth primarily by using the metric of their affinity for a particular team / college / television show / video game system /ethnic background / prescription sleep aid / neighborhood / commuter rail line / Snoop Dogg album. But in this case, it's just tragic and infuriating, because 29-year-old Matthew Beaudoin -- not a mouthy Sox fan trash-talker, just a guy in the wrong place at the wrong time -- lost his life in the process.

First and foremost, our condolences to the Beaudoin family for the loss.

With that most important comment out of the way, my point: Please, people -- chill the fuck out over this Evil Empire stuff. I hate the Yankees, too; and the neverending quest to prove their suckitude on a physical, spiritual, and moral basis is a noble one. But seriously, when push comes to shove, the Red Sox are just a bunch of overpaid arrogant fucks whom I like more than the bunch of overpaid arrogant fucks who play for the Yankees. None of these people care about you at all, except to the extent you (a) pay their salaries through ticket sales, (b) suck their dicks, or (c) buy the crap they are paid millions to advertise. Please remember that the next time you feel like driving your car into a bunch of Yankee or Red Sox fans.

Yes, this is a gross oversimplification of things -- I'm sure there are players on both teams who are decent people whom you'd enjoy having over for drinks or a BBQ. But the thing that nobody ever seems to want to discuss when indulging in all this hero-worship is that it is essentially impossible to succeed in athletics at the professional level without having developed a supreme self-confidence in one's abilities. The kind of supreme self-confidence that, nine times out of ten, turns you into a raging, insufferable asshole prick.

So remember that the next time you want to beat the crap out of someone outside a bar in Cambridge for being a Yankee asshole. A professional athlete, or any organization thereof, is someone/something that exists to entertain you by virtue of their skills. They're not prinicples to die for, or justifications for drunken thuggery. No one -- especially the subjects of your adoration, the Red Sox and/or the Yankees -- will view you as a courageous warrior fighting for the cause; they'll view you as a laughable drunken jerk (at best) or a threat to society (at worst). Chillax, brohans. It's only a game.

(To lighten the tone, please insert a disparaging anecdote about my genitalia here.)

APNDR despises going to Sox/Yankees games at Fenway now, because it's become such a fucking freakshow. His favorite Snoop Dogg album is, clearly, "Doggy Style"; anyone who disagrees with that selection is a fucking asshole who sucks.

3 comments:

futuremrsrickankiel said...

Framingham/Worcester Line Repre-SENT!

Nicely put, DaveR, and timely as well. There's so much enjoyment to be had in the lighter side of the Sox-Yanks rivalry -- the gay jokes, the pointless but always entertaining bar arguments, the clever T-shirts -- that it just doesn't make sense to take it to these truly ridiculous levels.

/zombie joke

Hazel Maes Landing Strip said...

I am so utterly burnt out from this Yankees-Red Sox rivalry. The screaming from both sides is moronic, the games are long, and the rivalry definitely isn't what it was three-four years ago. Great points Dave.

Remy'sMustacheRide said...

I lived in New York for 3 years, and my hatred of the yankees is unquestionable. But this rivarly is beyond the limits of retardation. There is no reason for regular season games to last 4-5 hours on average. Enough advertisement Discount Bob and Ira and the assmatics. There is no reason to beat up or in this case kill someone over a sports team rivalry. There is no reason that REGULAR season soxs/yankees game should go on NESN HIGH DEF while a Bruins PLAYOFF GAME is B-listed to regular Nesn. I know the Bruins are the red headed step child of the elite boston sports teams, and everyone knew they weren't gonna make it past the second round, but they made it to the playoffs without their star for most of the season, SHOW SOME RESPECT. And for christ sake it was the playoffs, and they actually bet the candians a couple of games! Did we really need the High Def technolgy just to see people yawning in the grandstands because the games went on forever. Once again I hate the yankees, but would never get in a bar fight over it, or drive into a crowd of yankee fans for screaming SOXS SUX. Seriously people get a life, or if that isnt a option go buy world of warcraft.