9:30 AM: Gets out of bed. Goes to put on slippers, but misses left slipper and ends up stubbing his toe.
10:00 AM: Attempts to get breakfast at his hotel but finds eight people ahead of him in omelette line, by the time he gets to the front, breakfast is over.
10:45 AM: Tries to read newspaper but someone has stolen his complimentary copy of USA Today.
11:15 AM: Cannot get in a pregame workout because everyone is using the elliptical machines.
Noon: Spills coffee all over game plan, rendering it unreadable.
12:15 PM: Tries to take pregame nap, cannot do so because construction outside keeps waking him up.
3:00 PM: Drives to arena, gets stuck at every red light on route.
4:00 PM: Unable to get in pregame shootaround because Celtics dancers are using the floor.
7:00 PM: Game starts. Proceeds to shoot 6-24 with seven turnovers.
10:30 PM: Anderson Varejao takes the last turkey sandwich from the postgame spread before LeBron can have one.
11:00 PM: In effort to drown sorrows at local watering hole, tries to get his drink on. Has to travel to four bars before one lets him in.
11:30 PM: Hits on bar skank, is rejected.
11:45 PM: Hits on bar skank, is rejected.
12:30 AM: Hits on bar skank, is rejected.
1:15 AM: Hits on bar skank, is rejected.
2:00 AM: At the hotel, Shawntel reveals that she’s on her period. She then throws up on LeBron’s penis and falls asleep.
2:30 AM: Unsatisfied and covered in vomit, finally starts to fall asleep.
2:31 AM: Just as LeBron is falling asleep, Kevin Garnett breaks into his hotel room, punches him in the face and leaves laughing.