Friday, May 30, 2008

Just pack in guys, this season is over

Football is lauded as the league of where anything can happen, and sometimes it does. The 2001 Patriots are a prime example of this, they were a team that for years had been "decent", they had a good QB but they were never expected to do what they did that year. Every year we hear the question, who is going to come out of nowhere and make a run at the Super Bowl. But lets be realistic here, there are at least five teams with absolutely no shot of even getting into the playoffs this year. They were bad teams last year, and did little to help themselves in the draft, and FA/Trade, so logically they will continue to suck this year. Agree? Disagree? Let me hear it...

1. Miami Dolphins- Drafting Jake Long was a solid move in the right direction, and there is no doubt that the Tuna will get this team in the right direction eventually but this team is going to suck again this year. Who is going to be their QB this year? Josh McCown? Chad Henne? Beck? Three options, none of them are going to make much of an impact. Can anyone actually name a WR not named Ted Ginn Jr? WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING WR? They might sneak a few wins against the equally bad Jets or the Bills, but you can count on Ricky Williams to also completely fuck up the season as he decides to be a minister in a Southern Baptist church.

Event more likely to happen then the Dolphins making the playoffs: Britney Spears and Rob Schneider sex tape leaked to the public.

2. Washington Redskins- Bad bad football team here. I am going to go out on a limb here and say that they are going to dwell at the bottom of the NFC East. They got rid of Grandpa Joe but this team is still stacked with holes. They had ZERO first round draft picks, and picked a bunch of WR's in the second round. They failed to trade for Chad Johnson, and this will just be another team for Dan Snyder to completely fuck up.I love Clinton Portis, but he is injured all the time, and there is no way this team is going to contend with the likes of Dallas or NY with Rock Cartwright (wasn't he a character on Ponderosa?) and Ladell Betts in the backfield.

Event more likely to happen then the Redskins making the playoffs: Barry Bonds is vindicated of all steroid allegation and perjury charges, returning to the MLB to become the ambassador to the game.

3. Carolina Panthers- Yeah they made the Super Bowl five years ago with the same QB, but Jake Delhomme is a fraud. He was stacked with great WR's that year and I think Eric Crouch could have hit Steve Smith in some of those games. But those years are long gone, along with the years of the great Carolina defenses. It's now Julius Peppers and a bunch of schlubs, and a terrible secondary. Steve Smith is toast, Delhomme is done, bye bye Panthers.
Event more likely to happen then the Panthers making the playoffs: CNN gets the live feed as Tupac Shakur comes out of hiding in Salt Lake City, Utah. He explains that he hid because he was tired of the BS, and wanted to go to the one place no one would ever expect a black person to hide.

4. NY Jets- Maybe this will be the year that piece of shit Mangini finally gets fired. He still has a QB battle on his between Noodledick Chad Pennington and Kellen Clemens, only thing is, both of them blow. Doesn't matter who you start, the team is still bad and you have no chance of winning more games than you won last year. They did a great job solidifying the offense line with Alan Faneca, and Damien Woody but their offense will still stutter. Please fire Mangini.

Event more likely to happen then the Jets making the playoffs: Rachel Ray removes her skin to reveal that she is in fact a monster from the distant galaxy of Xiabor. She tells her shocked audience "TRAW GHRA LORBAO CRULL MAO!" (translation: "I will devour your soul!!"

5. Detroit Lions- HEY MATT MILLEN DIDNT DRAFT A WR IN THE FIRST ROUND!!!!!! He did however waste that pick on Gosder Cherilus my boy from BC when there were much better OL on the board. But for a team with a terrible defense, they did nothing to improve in the off season, other than move their best defender to another team. Jon Kitna can pray that he wins 10 games again, but lord this is not going to happen.

Event more likely to happen then the Lions making the playoffs:GHABY! actually sees Sex and the City the Movie.

1 comment:

GHABB,Y~! said...

I actually don't think the Redskins are going to be awful. Not playoffs-good, but not awful either.

Also, that brunette from Sex and the City was hot until I saw that she has a giant cooter bush, and now I can't get the image of her vaginal thicket out of my head whenever I see her.