I was ready to write an angry rant on the Celtics, their inability to win on the road, Doc Rivers’ extra chromosomes, and the fact that Saturday night was the worst performance I’ve seen from this team all season. I was prepared to write that I’m worried, nervous, and perhaps losing a bit of faith. But then I saw this piece, and suddenly felt like it was all going to be okay:
That guy owns 11 NBA rings, two NCAA championships and a gold medal. In the time it took me to write this, Russell also won a game of Connect Four, two hands of poker and next season's Dancing With the Stars. He would be recognized by any court in the land as a certified expert on Winning Shit. And yet that guy, Mr. Winner of Everything, thinks the Celtics aren't just going to win this year, but that they'll win at least two or three rings before KG retires and begins his second career as a speed metal guitarist. Who are we, as Non-Winners, to disagree?
Look, Saturday’s game was awful, beginning to end. It sucked in suckingly sucky levels of suckitude not yet sucked by this team. They couldn't shoot, couldn't defend, couldn't rebound - shit, they could barely fucking dribble. But despite that, I’m strangely optimistic about tonight, and it’s not just the calming effect of Bill Russell’s grandfatherly nature. Fact is, it’s the playoffs. It’s much, much harder to play and win on the road. Only one team has won a road game in this entire round, and even that game would have gone the other way if Hedo Turkoglu would have made a simple layup, which probably cost Sh!tShow about $500.
But, lucky for us, the Green have homecourt advantage throughout the entire playoffs. Guess how they earned that? By winning 66 fucking games and being better than everyone else during the regular season! So even if they do struggle on the road, guess what? By the law of Hamurrabi's Code, there will be more Celtics games in Boston than games in Not-Boston. Hooray Math!
Most importantly, the
Most importantly, theCeltics are a better team than