Thursday, May 1, 2008

DRAMA!




Well.

That was… neat!


In an interesting turn of events, possibly attributed to skyrocketing run prices (those bastard price gouging run companies!) the Sox have decided to hoard the crooked numbers until a later date unless absolutely necessary. I bet they are FURIOUS that Ortiz’s home run didn’t hold up in the seventh. Godammit, Hideki Okajima! There is a SHORTAGE going on! Everyone has to do their part!

Anyways, pulling a page from the, “If at first you don’t succeed…” chapter of The Big Book of Win, Brandon Moss and Jed Lowrie looked like they wrapped this thing up with one out in the ninth. With Lowrie on second and Manny on first, Moss singled to Vernon Wells in center, setting up a play at the plate that, well… did not go well. Wells fired a bullet, Rod Barajas made a nasty tag, and all of a sudden a once certain win is left up to Jason (ZOMBIE!!) Varitek. Not soon after, we got to watch a live replay of the Moss at bat. Tek singled up the middle, Ramirez comes around third, Wells fires ANOTHER bullet, I see a glitch in the Matrix… but this time, the throw comes in a second late, Manny dives around Barajas and its time for yet another…


Notes from after the Sexy Party…

Red Sox starters have allowed 3 earned runs in the past four games. Not 3 runs each. 3 runs total. And we split those games. Wake the fuck up, bats!

I had a moment of doubt during the Ortiz at bat that I am ashamed to admit. He was 0 for 2, his average was abysmal, he hadn’t given off that same aura this year… basically, I couldn’t get behind him for the at bat. I assumed he was going to strike out, or hit it into the shift, or pop up, or do something not productive. So for a few seconds, I got nostalgic for the “glory days,” when an Ortiz bat from the 7th on was a guaranteed hit. I started thinking about all the times he had come through, and how much I dreaded the “he can’t hit the inside fastball” years that seemed so inevitable, and I could barely stomach the thought. And then he crushed a pitch into the right field stands. Well, then.


Loved the idea that the kids (Lowrie, Moss) had a chance to win the game and couldn’t quite pull it off, leaving the win to the grizzled vets. Welcome to majors, boys. THIS is how you win close baseball games.

If I recall correctly, the Blue Jays tied the game at the same exact time Leon Powe missed a dunk. Guys, the message is clear. Leon Powe controls the fate of mankind.

That sound you heard at midnight last night was GHABB,Y sighing in relief.

Timmy Wake takes on WannaBeBeckett tonight, for the broom. Odds are we need as many runs tonight as we’ve had the last three to have a shot. Come on guys, I want to post my Colbert picture again!

7 comments:

Sh!tShow said...

Copies of The Big Book of Win can be purchased by sending me a clank check made out to CASH.

futuremrsrickankiel said...

Welcome to majors, boys.

This sounds best if said in a snarky, 1930s-era Brooklyn accent.

Sh!tShow said...

Ding! I was going for the announcer from The Natural, so that's as close as anyone will get.

futuremrsrickankiel said...

OMG THAT'S EXACTLY WHO I WAS THINKING OF

Sh!tShow said...

LIAR!

A Pimp Named DaveR said...

O AN HE SEXY

GHABB,Y~! said...

Actually the sound from me was a fart. The smell is not pleasant.