First of all, I just wanted to note that I don’t read your newspaper because I a) read past a first-grade level and b) don’t hate myself. I almost bought your paper once to wipe my ass after I ran out of TP, but then I found Steve Buckley’s hairpiece lying on the ground and used that to wipe my shit-caked ruby starfruit. Then I put the feces-streaked hairpiece back on Buckley’s head, and he looked no different.
Why such vitriol you ask? This dick-eating invitation is not just due to the Tomase’s Boner, but rather serves as a lifetime achievement award for journalistic shittiness. Your paper has singlehandedly decreased the collective IQ of the city by at least 30 points. It caters to the lowest common denominator in all cases, and seems to be stooping only further. You make the motherfucking free Metro paper look like the New Yorker in comparison. I can only hope that Rupert Murdoch is raped by a wallaby and left for dead.