Friday, May 2, 2008

Chillaxing!



After I thanked the gambling gods that the Celts bounced back to not only win, but cover on Wednesday night, I tried to figure out why the hell they didn’t show up in Atlanta. I mean, of course the Hawks are young and more athletic, that’s obvious. And yeah, sure, the Celts had no answer for Joe Johnson in the fourth quarter of game four. Shit, it may be as simple as the Hawks are better (and the Celts not as dominant) than I or any of my fellow Celtics fans gave them credit for. Ah, you sneaky conundrum, why do you vex me?!?!

So, during the long delay between games in the “hurry up and wait” playoff system the NBA subjects us too, I am going to take shelter from the intensity of this series in the serene confines of early season baseball (this, of course, does not include Red Sox baseball, since I have a genetic predisposition to overreact to any play, anytime, ever made or not made by said team). Scanning the standings and perusing box scores relaxes me, and usually cures what ails.

Let’s see here…


Wow, the Braves really seem to be free falling. Four in a row, huh? Yikes, that’s too bad, what with the Hawks winning and…

Wait a second…


(puts on white coat)



(mixes colorful liquids)


(uses protractor)


The Celtics played the Hawks on Wednesday April, 23th. Following this game, it seems obvious that one or both of these teams would head on down to Atlanta (players play there, from what I hear) and get ready for Game 3 as soon as possible. On Thursday, April 24th, the Atlanta Braves beat Florida, AT HOME. The following day, the Braves left for a road trip.

Now…

On Saturday night, the upstart Hawks defeated number one seeded Boston, and followed with another solid victory Monday night. The Celtics looked old and, dare I say, “sluggish” on the court? ON THAT SAME SATURDAY, the Atlanta Braves started a FOUR GAME losing streak. Interesting.

I think we all know what’s going on here folks.



Yep. It’s fucking spreading people! According to my calculations, the Red Sox were infected with two strains of the disease. We will call them the “Boston” strain (A), and the “Baseball” strain (B). It seems obvious that, on Thursday of last week, the Red Sox passed the “Boston” strain of the disease to the Celtics, and the “Baseball” strain to the Hawks. Upon arriving Thursday or Friday in Atlanta, both were then transferred to the Atlanta Braves. Luckily for the Hawks, they seem to have a genetic immunity to the “Baseball” strain, and were able to handle the Zombie Celtics with relative ease. HOWEVAH! The Zombie Braves have different immunities, showing signs of the “Baseball” strain for the past week. If my theory is correct, the Mets should be showing early symptoms shortly, and the Nationals as events develop.

(Whats that? Mets lose 13 -1 to the Pirates on Wednesday? RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!)

6 comments:

futuremrsrickankiel said...

/panics in the streets

Hazel Maes Landing Strip said...

Are we looking at slow moving zombies like the Romero movies or Zombies on speed a la 28 Day Later?

Sh!tShow said...

Depends on the strain. DUH!

futuremrsrickankiel said...

Blech... if the C's rebounding skills in Game 3 were any indication, I'd say the lurching, slow kind of zombie for sure.

A Pimp Named DaveR said...

I've been feeling a little sick the last few BRAINSBRAINSBRAINS days... do you think BRAINS there's anything for me to BRAINS worry about?

Sh!tShow said...

Not at all.

(loads gun)