Thursday, May 29, 2008

Breakfast with the Hysterics

Stepping in for HazelMaesLandingStrip this morning while he buys duvet covers and wonders aloud whether to hyphenate his name after the wedding. Can I say cock and shit in this column? Whoops, looks like I just did.

Sweet holy lord, this man is our elected leader.

*Red Sox lose 1-0 to the Mariners, to put their West Coast record at 0-9387393292. Bob Gibson defeated Sandy Koufax to get the win.Sox are now 1.5 games behind the Rays, who are rapidly progressing past "pesky" and towards "seriously, cut it the fuck out, it's not cute anymore." Canadian Crippler Erik Bedard two-hit our local nine, and immediately gained entry into the Hart Foundation.

*Meanwhile, Mothra is getting an MRI on his shoulder. Apparently swatting city buildings and telephone poles is tiresome on the ball-and-socket joints. One word of advice though for ol' Dice-K: always take the optional sleep mask when getting your MRI. Not only can you doze off while inside the tube, but hey, free sleep mask!

*Celtics took Game 5 in an epic un-fail of a game. I'll have more on it later, but apt comparisons could certainly be made between the game and, say, the first time you had a Kelly's Roast Beef sandwich (sauce, tomato and mayo, natch). Both were utterly glorious from beginning to end, involved the very real threat of about fifteen heart attacks, and your hands are mysteriously sticky when the whole thing is over. Weird.

* Sidney Crosby is made aware that the Stanley Cup Finals have started, then scores two goals simply by willing them in. Kristen Bell is nonplussed. Penguins win, and the game may have even beat out a rerun of "Legend of the Hidden Temple" on Nick GAS.


futuremrsrickankiel said...

Olmec approves of this post.

Hazel Maes Landing Strip said...

Hey Fuck Knocker we were shopping for hand towels. Get it right.