Friday, May 23, 2008

Breakfast with the Hysterics

I'm all the breakfast you need, baby.

  • RAY ALLEN LIVES!!! The Sneering Corpse himself came back to life last night, thanks, no doubt, to some combination of Disney animatronics and voodoo zombie magic. Ordinarily I’m pretty stringently anti-zombie, since I don’t like having my brains eaten, but any zombie that can shoot like that from beyond the arc is fine in my book. The sensuously handsome reanimated Allen exploded for 25 points and the Big Three on the whole looked stellar, combining for a whopping 75 points. Unfortunately, the Detroit Pistons are one of the best playoff teams of the decade, and the roaring crowds at the Garden were reminded of that last night. Rip Hamilton handed in a monster performance, and 6 Pistons hit double-digits in points scored last night. The Celts valiantly attempted a come-from-behind (giggity) win, pulling to within 4 with 0:41 on the clock thanks in part to a spectacular 3-pointer by Ray “Give Me Brains” Allen, but ultimately Detroit held on for the 103-97 win. No one thought this series would be easy, and honestly I’m glad the whole home court mystique has been shattered and we’re back to playing real live fight-to-the-death basketball. Both teams looked great last night, and this is going to be a hell of a series.

  • Meanwhile, the hated Yanks were busy getting their panties up in a bunch about David Ortiz’s latest planned promotion: a Home Run Derby event in which one lucky fan will have the chance to call the location of Papi’s next home run at shitty, run-down hallowed Yankee Stadium and thus be entered to win a Chevy Tahoe or some damn thing. I don’t even really understand how it works, but apparently the Yanks don’t like it. I guess because Babe Ruth used to do the same thing means that no one else should ever be allowed to do it. From the New York Times:

But the Yankees do not seem as if they want Ortiz to take that swing. The Yankees were upset about the plans involving Ortiz and said they were unaware of the promotion until a reporter contacted them Thursday night. The Yankees were discussing the matter internally and planning to contact Major League Baseball for an explanation.

Maybe we shouldn’t let baseball players be fat, hit triples, or bang chicks anymore, either. You know, in honor of Babe Ruth. GUHHHH I hate the fucking Yankees. Guess last place is pretty boring, huh guys?

No comments: