Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Boston Sports Tonight!

Red Sox v. Royals, 7:05 pm. What ho! Sir Gilbert Allen Meche of the Douchey Triangular Facial Hair matches swords pitches with His Pitchiness of the Crooked Hat Justin Masterson. The lanky Masterson (good lord, he’s 6’6”) looked pretty damn impressive in his major-league debut on April 24, fanning 4 batters while allowing just 1 run on 2 hits over 6 innings. Sadly, the Sox offense gave him no help that night, but hopefully they’ll pull through and get him his first EVAH major-league win tonight.

Celtics v. Pistons, 8:30 pm. I literally cannot believe the NBA playoffs are still going on after all I’ve been through already. This is the hot Eastern Conference matchup everyone’s been licking their chops over since the season kicked off, and AHHH NO I DON’T WANNA NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

/runs out of room

/is dragged back in

Ok. We have to do this. The Pistons are just one more roadblock on our path to glory, and as scary as it is to face this squad of grizzled playoffs vets, the Celts are fully capable of winning this series. We’re 2-1 against Detroit on the regular season, including the victory that clinched us our earliest-in-the-league playoffs berth on March 5; we dropped a close contest to them in December (it was only our 3rd loss of the season at that point) but beat them in January (IN AN AWAY GAME) and whomped on them in March. Even as we flagged (relatively speaking) towards the end of the season, we performed better against the Pistons. Detroit is nasty and efficient and has an eerily cohesive sense of team unity that no one who isn’t on the team seems to be able to either comprehend or penetrate, but I honest to god think we can beat this team, and beat them hard.

And anyway, what the hell is a piston? Just a fucking piece of engine, is what it is.

Frivolous prop bet of the night: Upwards of 8,000 Red Sox fans -- all of them female -- to be spotted wearing Jon Lester T-shirts at tonight’s game. O AN HE NO-HITTY

Serious prediction of the night: The Celts game will be a battle of point-guard styles -- the speedy, youthful energy of Rajon Rondo against the physical, so-money-in-the-clutch-it-hurts play of [wistful sigh] Chauncey Billups. I’m not going to attach numbers to anything here, but watch this match-up carefully. Either Billups’ defense will shut down Rondo’s ability to run plays and Detroit will take the game, or Rondo will exploit every opening Billups leaves him and explode for 15-20 assists. And Boston will win. Yeah, that second thing. That’s what’s going to happen.

Fun fact: Justin Masterson was born in Kingston, Jamaica. Really?!

1 comment:

GHABB,Y~! said...

Masterson is Jamaican me Crazy!