Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Boston Sports Tonight!

Red Sox vs. Orioles, 7:05 pm. The Sox limp back to the East Coast after losing a hit-filled and agonizingly long series to the Twins and face the perplexing Orioles at Camden Yards this evening. The Birds are sitting pretty at .500 (19-19) and I have no idea how or why that is true. In fact, they’re only 3.5 games behind us in the AL East and have a 1/2-game lead on the current 4th-place team, THE NEW YORK YANKEES. Yankees fans should probably all kill themselves starting… now. No, seriously, go kill yourselves. You don’t deserve to live. Anyhoodle, Josh Beckett takes the mound tonight against hardcore Mormon Jeremy Guthrie, who was awesome last year but clearly isn’t praying or abstaining from caffeinated beverages hard enough yet this year. Nick Markakis is slumping a bit despite how well his team is performing, but he’s still a strapping young Greek lad so here he is. Incidentally, Terry Francona will not be traveling with the Sox for this series, as his wife’s mother recently passed away. Bench coach Brad “among those dark satanic” Mills will be skippering the Sox. Best wishes from all us Mass Hysterics, Tito!

Frivolous prop bet of the night: Camden Yards is left deserted in the 7th inning when all 754 fans in attendance are lured away by the siren song of a passing ice cream truck.

Serious prediction of the night: Guthrie’s given up 8 HRs in 8 starts so far this year. I bet he gives up #9 tonight… and that it goes to Manny for Number 499 WOOOOOO!*

*In case you haven’t noticed, all of my “serious” predictions are actually ridiculous over-the-top homerisms. Still, if one of them is ever fulfilled, I will crow about it for at least a week.


A Pimp Named DaveR said...

Hey, you stole my dark, Satanic mills line!

Which I stole from Sting.... who stole it from Blake... so maybe I should just be quiet now.


futuremrsrickankiel said...

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, my dear.

A Pimp Named DaveR said...

"Ow, my wrist."


futuremrsrickankiel said...


Pepster said...

What do you mean William Blake?

futuremrsrickankiel said...

/puts on English teacher hat


Here's the poem I (and also DaveR, in fairness) referenced.

The poem is really a traditional Anglican hymn, and ELP did a freaking AMAZING cover of it.

That's all for today, kids! Tune in next week for another installment of I Am A Pretentious Sack Of Crap.

(thanks for reading, dude!)