Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Boston Sports Tonight!

Sox v. Tigers, 7:05 pm. The Red Sox go for a third win at Detroit tonight. WOO BRIGHTLY-COLORED KNIT FOOTWEAR! Fresh-faced youngster Clay Buchholz (2-1, 3.71) takes the mound for the Sox against even more fresh-faced youngster Armando Galarraga (2-1, 1.88). I can't take Galarraga seriously because his first name is the name of a greasy kid I used to pick on in grade school. LOSER!! [pegs with dodgeball] Note that Tigers outfielder Matt Joyce, recently summoned from AAA Toledo to take Jacque Jones alliterative and vaguely effeminate-sounding sport in the lineup, is the only hitter on either team to have ever faced the opposing starting pitcher, having gone 3-7 against Clay Buchholz in the minors. Should be exciting! Here are your lines for the evening:

Frivolous Over/Unders
  • Necklaces Clay Buchholz wears: 7
  • Given that he is a relatively new pitcher, trivial personal anecdotes about Galarraga we are subjected to: 12
  • Different ways in which Jerry Remy struggles to pronounce Armando Galarraga’s name during said anecdotes: 15
  • Empty seats left in Comerica Park by the middle of the 8th: 10,000
  • Cigarettes eaten by Jim Leyland during each at-bat (no smoking in the park!): 12

Prop Bet of the Night: At least two wild pitches from Galarraga on the night -– he’s had some control issues since being called up to the big show. Lamely, both wild pitches will fail to break a camera as did Jeremy Bonderman’s the other night.

Serious Prediction: Galarraga and Buchholz combine for at least 15 K’s on the night, since, as previously stated, no one on either team knows how to hit the opposing starter.

Fun Fact: The Detroit Tigers’ website just made my Firefox crash twice. Even my computer knows their pitching is garbage.

6 comments:

Comicbook Guy said...

will take the over on all
/(no under jokes available)

A Pimp Named DaveR said...

I'll take the over on the random anecdotes about Galarraga.

I always love it at Fenway when the scoreboard people have no real relevant statistical factoids about someone, so they come up with something...

(1) Totally nonilluminating:

"Howie Kendrick is hitting .330 (105-318) in his last 92 games"

(this will usually be posted during the 94th game of the season)

(2) Utterly random:

"Howie Kendrick grew up emulating Garth Iorg."

or...

(3) Totally obscure:

"Howie Kendrick broke Jay Payton's team record of 16 sacrifice bunts down the third base line during a season while with Visalia in the single-A Southern League in 2002"

Hazel Maes Landing Strip said...

After a weekend of Red Sox games the only factoid I know on Akinori Iwamura is that he plays with a glove made of crocodile skin.


And hes Japanese.

SmartyBarrett said...

The Red Sox go for the sweep at Detroit tonight.

Assuming a rainout tomorrow night, eh?

futuremrsrickankiel said...

Noted and corrected! Thanks!

Sh!tShow said...

I BET I DIDN'T!!!!!