Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Not. Fucking. Cool.

Trying to cheer myself up on a dreary Tuesday morning. Look, the mistress of my least favorite baseball player admitted that she did indeed have a relationship with him as a teenager. That's fun. Oh, over there, some soccer guy is being questioned about transvestite prostitutes, lending further credence to my theory that soccer gives you AIDS. Quite the laugh there. What else. Oh, look, the Diamondbacks called up a pitcher whose name sounds like he skippered Hitler's catamaran during the war. Bet Berman won't make that joke. Hmm...looking for news, looking for news...

Oh, that's right. The motherfucking Celtics LOST. LOST! To the cock-loving Hawks. The series is 2-2 against the goddamned 8 seed! Fuckshitbabyrapingcockballsfistingmotherfuckingshitfuckshit. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

But it's not even that they lost. Teams lose, especially on the road, and the joy of a seven-game series is that a team must lose four times in said series. Which I don't see happening to the Celtics in this series, despite the pants-shit of last night's game.

No, what bothered me is how they lost, and how it may portend for the future. Super-athletic swingman exploits our older defenders to score a shitload. Ya think LeBron won't do the same thing? Physical big men push around our forwards for rebounds, especially late in the game. Figure Detroit may have been taking notes? The Celtics struggled to get shots off down low against a premium shot blocker in Josh Smith. You don't think Dwight Howard will have a field day? Worst of all, KG's late-game plan of "make the same low-post move for every single shot in the last two minutes, no matter whether your triple-covered or not" is slightly flawed, and would be devoured by any team with a servicable frontcourt.

Look, I still think that the C's are going to win this series, but, to borrow a term oft-used during the football season, the Hawks have laid quite the blueprint for beating our beloved Celtics. But I'm worried that the rest of the playoff field is going to wear out tape of last night's game like I wore out my Dad's copy of "The Devil in Miss Jones."

Which reminds me: I miss 80's tits. They were fuller, came in all sorts of shapes and sizes, and looked completely different (and better) than the "enhanced" tits of today. Aaaah, yes, 80's tits. Now there's a distraction.

5 comments:

futuremrsrickankiel said...

So, what you're saying is that Joe Johnson = AJ Feeley?

After my protracted, invective-laced screaming last night, I was worried my neighbors might call the police on me. Seriously. I should not have to be yelling things at my TV like "YOU HAVE TO FUCKING REBOUND!" and "DO NOT LET EDDIE HOUSE SHOOT A FUCKING 3 WHEN YOU ARE DOWN BY 6!"

Sh!tShow said...

I starting laughing. Not the "Ha ha, this is really funny!" type of laughter either. This was the maniacal cackling of a man driven crazy by Joe Johnson's ability to do ANY FUCKING THING HE WANTS.

A Pimp Named DaveR said...

I missed the sexual innuendo train yesterday by virtue of posting an actual comment. Can we get going on today's quota?

(That's what she said.)

futuremrsrickankiel said...

Hmm... that's kind of hard.

Grimey said...

So... we can all agree now that Horford talking shit to Pierce wasn't such a bad idea?