Sunday, April 27, 2008

Last night I saw Mel Kiper Jr in my nightmares....

So if you read any of my riveting analysis of the draft yesterday, you would have noticed that I sort of trailed off after the 16th pick. I learned a valuable lesson, the NFL DRAFT IS FUCKING LONG. True, 10 minutes a pick is shorter than in the past, but the first round took over three hours. I dare you, try and sit in one place and try to watch ESPN for three hours straight, and then please chart how bored you get- related to the hours watched. After seeing the same scary Under Armour commercial for the 23rd time, and listen to Berman's inane analysis on two players with the name "Long" going one-two, I promise you will get the way I got angry belligerent and sorely needing a drink or 12. As minutes turned into hours the voices of Berman, Keyshawn and Mort all blended together, I couldn't comprehend basic English anymore and I just stopped listening and turned off my tv.

Some other ramblings about the draft:

* How can someone judge a teams draft before the players actually take the field? All the experts, and best of all the fans are all giving grades to the draft. How do they know that Chris Long will be the next Julius Peppers and not the next Marquise Hill (sorry too soon?).? As long as your team addresses their needs that should be a good sign, not whether they get the biggest name on the board.
* I thought it was hilarious that Detroit is getting ripped for drafting Gosder Cherilus, isn't this a step in the right direction? I mean when was the last time Matt Millen drafted a non skill player in the first round? Shouldn't they be excited? Being from Boston, I guess I would need to see the insane vitriol (it took me about 10 minutes to this word) they have for Millen.
* I want to know what human, cyborg, or sentient computer with thoughts feed Mel Kiper Jr his information. There is no way anyone could know as much information as he has. Even a guy with a large head like his, there is no way he could pull off a "He is going to be a great pro, after watching him throw for 300 Yards against McNeese St. I am convinced he can do this in the NFL". No way he knows all this.
* The NFL draft really made me appreciate Jets and Giants fans all over again. Actually in the later rounds I found them to be very useful, whenever I stopped paying attention to the draft I could leave it on and and immediately tell whenever the Pats were on the board. "BOOOOOO" "CHEATERS" "18-1" I guess these taunts are meant to hurt Pats fans, but honestly who cares? Jets becoming relevant again and then you can chant all you want. I guess "4-12!" doesn't have a good ring.
* When the draft hits late third round early fourth round, I challenge any of you to analyze any of these players. I see players flying off the board from colleges I didn't know had a college football team, Rice, San Diego State, an Winston Salem State (which sounds like a brand of cigarettes) I have no clue who most of these players are, and if you have heard their name they probably won't become anything in the NFL because they have so many question marks.

Well, back to the draft, time to waste another day away watching the draft on ESPN. Keep me in your prayers.


A Pimp Named DaveR said...

I have no clue who most of these players are, and if you have heard their name they probably won't become anything in the NFL because they have so many question marks.

Oh, absolutely... absolutely....

Say, what ever happened to that kid who used to back up Drew Henson at Michigan?

Hazel Maes Landing Strip said...

Ok I get it, I get it, I made a stupid sweeping generalization. Give me a break my brain is mush.

futuremrsrickankiel said...

I feel like I should be sending a St. Bernard with a barrel of whiskey strapped around its neck to come rescue you from being trapped under an avalache of Berman analysis.