Friday, April 4, 2008

I'm Becoming What I Despise!!!

Awww, I feel ya Coach. It sucks when you realize you're doing exactly what you always say you are adamantly against. For shame, Sh!tShow!


(hangs head)

First off, confession time: I LOVE vices. Can't get enough. I could hide behind an addictive personality, but honestly, I'm proud of them. I smoke and I drink too much. I live MILES beyond my means. I eat the worst possible crap I can. I'll hook up with anything just to say I did. I love doing this stuff.

Currently, my favorite vice is sports betting. I've been making small bets since I was a kid, when I won $5 off my dad when the Giants beat the Bills in the Super Bowl when I was in fourth grade. Immediately I planned on making this a career. I'd bet on whether or not we'd get out early from middle school during snowstorms. I've been running a March Madness pool for 12 years. It's just part of what I do.

I reached a new peak during the football season the year before last, when I opened an online account. I started small, something like $20 a game, 3 games a week. Before the end of the season, I was regularly betting over $100, 5 0r 6 games a week, maxing out at $500 on some Monday nighters. I was winning more than I was losing, but I was upping my bets, so I'd inevitably lose it all. Bear in mind, I was dead fucking broke. I was consistently late on rent, I had to borrow money to pay for heat, and I was walking over a mile each way to work cause I crashed my car into a post office and "couldn't afford to fix it." But I was betting like a motherfucker.

I'd like to say I've calmed down a bit, but the truth is I'm betting more than ever. I just happen to make more money now. Out of the 32 first round games of the NCAA tournament, I'd say I probably bet on 25 of them at 50 a whack. I just like to think I bet smarter now. I don't up my wagers. I do "research." I follow trends and shit. Sometimes.

So why have I come to despise myself? Well, I realized that I wrote a gambling column on this here site about a weekend of winning bets. How do you know I won these bets? Well, you don't. You have to take my word for it. And that sucks. There is nothing I HAAAAAAAAAATE more as a gambler than that asshole who tells me immediately after a game, "Yeah, I had them to cover!" Well, how come you didn't tell me that beforehand? People like this never seem to lose. And the truth is, most people do lose. I lose ALL THE TIME. Nature of the beast.

So, from here on out, I'm gonna make sure you guys know what I'm betting on. Seems only fair. If people are gonna read this (which I hope happens some day), they should know how much money I'm hemorrhaging on a daily basis. Plus, maybe then people will buy me drinks. So ante up fellers, and join me as a strive for this...







And end up like this...



Oh, I lost $50 on Umass last night. Fuck this state.

1 comment:

Hazel Maes Landing Strip said...

If Mass Hysteria ever brings in money from ads or merchandise it better be funding your disease.