Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Derek Kellogg Named UMass Hoops Coach

So, according to ESPN, former UMass guard Derek Kellogg will be named the new head basketball coach at his alma mater at a news conference on Wednesday. Among those who also were considered for the position, but were not hired for various reasons:
  • Dana Dingle - Refused to leave his profitable Berry farm.
  • Lou Roe - Was the school's first choice, but refused to wear a suit on the sidelines unless it was comprised of the scalps of all the victims he dunked upon.
  • Donta Bright - As of 2002, working in a "hotel in Boston." So, um, yeah.
  • Edgar Padilla and Carmelo Travieso - Demanded to be hired as the NCAA's first coaching tandem, lost points in the interview due to lack of English language skills and refusal to talk to anyone but each other.
  • Giddel Padilla - His brother wouldn't let him.
  • Marcus Camby - Never actually considered for job and UMass has no record of him existing as a basketball player, student, or living being.


Hazel Maes Landing Strip said...

When I first heard this story I thought they meant Clark Kellog. I was quite disappointed.

A Pimp Named DaveR said...

Loe Roe?