Monday, April 21, 2008

Celtics Begin Playoff Rape, Pillage

Before last night's Game One against the Hawks, I'll admit that I was a bit worried. I had just watched the equally favored Pistons shit the bed against the Sixers, and the Lakers struggle with the Nuggets in the first half. I knew the C's had been dominant during the regular season, but would it be different in the playoffs?
In a word, notsomuch. The C's laid a severe beating on the Hawks last night, leading by as many as 27 in their severe 104-81 beating of Atlanta last night. Allen had 18, Pierce and Garnett had 16, and Leon Powe had 10, including a sick dunk literally through Josh Smith.

Despite the fireworks and national stage, the game itself looked much like the type of beatings that the C's dished out throughout the regular season. The C's basically imposed their will on the Hawks, especially on defense. Four of the Hawks starters shot a combined 14-49 (29%). Atlanta shot 21% from three. They turned the ball over 15 times. In short, they sucked, and showed little sign of this being anything other than a four-game sweep. Given my short attention span, here are some other things I took from the game:
  • Al Horford was the only Hawk who looked even remotely comfortable on the court. He put up 20 and 10, and should pose real matchup problems for Perk throughout the series. Also, he's a Florida Fucking Gator, and a two-time member of the greatest goddamned college basketball team ever, all time, all my life. Also, Billy Donovan just slept with your mom in the time it took you to read this paragraph.
  • Rondo almost had a triple-double and made Bibby look more confused than when he had to fill out the "what is your ethnic background" question on his taxes. It's hard to believe that Bibby, only a few years ago, used to be one of the league's top point guards and almost led the Kings to the finals. At this rate, he'll be playing in Krgygyststinan with Miles Simon before the decade is out.
  • KG has been intense all season, but holy shit, he was like the Ultimate Warrior last night. After Powe posterized Josh Smith, I thought KG was going to spontaneously start ground-and-pound punching Big Black Leon, a la Tito Ortiz. And that's cause he was happy! There's a 42% chance that Garnett may miss a game this playoffs with a burst embolism in his brain.
  • I love that Ortiz, Lowell and Pedroia were there, rooting on their fellow Boston athletes. Ortiz even helped out with some trampoline dunk action. It's like all the athletes in this town are the senior jocks in high school - sitting front row at each other's games, going to the best parties and banging the cheerleaders. With any luck, Papi will ask me to help him cheat on the SATs in exchange for letting me smell his fingers.

1 comment:

Sean said...

AND WHEN THE STARS ALIGN ON THE FOURTH WEEKEND, AND THE MOON ENTERS THE HOUSE OF GARNETT, I WILL CRASH YOUR PLANE, NBA, AND YOU WILL FINALLY REALIZE THAT...I...AM...YOUR...NIGHTMARE...!