Thursday, April 3, 2008

Bow Down Before Your New Leader!

The Fearless Leader

Note: APNDR has a day job, and therefore did not actually watch the Red Sox's 5-0 victory over Oakland yesterday. The following may therefore be inaccurate, overstated, or possibly even completely fictional.

Arise, peasant masses! For your leader has arrived! The Glorious One, God-Emperor of Oakland, Alameda, and certain parts of Orinda and Walnut Creek, Maximum Dictator-for-Life of BART, and He Who Has Been Touched By Heaven's Fastball (i.e. Rich Harden) hath summoned you from your lives of toil and misery to join the Eternal Democratic People's Republic of A's! As a sign of his benificence, the Glorious One has smitten the Capitalist Pig-Dog Red Sox for ELEVEN WHOLE INNINGS!

The Glorious One poses with Father of the Motherland

Unfortunately, the inevitable triumph of the worker/peasant over monied capitalist and bourgeoisie interests was temporarily delayed by the efforts of known baby-seal-clubber Alan Embree and embedded capitalist pig-dog secret agent sleeper unit Leonard DiNardo. But setbacks are to be expected, my brothers and sisters! The revolution will not be televised! When our glorious worker's paradise is standing as the shining example of mankind's greatest achievements, we shall laugh as the Pig-Dog Sox scurry their way to Toronto (home of bourgeoisie abominations like hockey, Yonge Street, and Barenaked Ladies) like the rats they are!

And fear not, workers of the world! Our raptor allies stand with us and continue to fight the good fight!

POWER TO THE PEOPLE! OBEY THE (admittedly fragile) GLORIOUS LEADER HARDEN!



Photo credits: Donruss (via baseball-almanac.com); FreakingNews.com

2 comments:

futuremrsrickankiel said...

Does this make Jacoby Ellsbury the opiate of the masses?

Sh!tShow said...

Thank you for getting "One Week" stuck in my head.

Chickedy China, the Chinese Chicken!