DATELINE FENWAY: In what is clearly a projection of the Bizarro Universe into our reality, a Jeter-less and Torre-less Bizarro Yankee squad rode a series of fly-ball outs from their 6'1 Taiwanese ground-ball pitcher to a 1-4 bizarro victory at Bizarro Fenway, as only Coco Crisp and Bizarro D. Drew provided any offense for the Bizarro Red Sox.
Starter Clay Bizarroholz pitched six innings of one-run baseball despite loading the bases twice. However, freshly un-disabled Bizarro Mike Timlin coughed up two runs to Bizarro Jason Giambi to continue the exploration of Bizarro Bullpen's new hobby: blowing the game.
Bizarro J.D. Drew
To reiterate: nobody on the Bizarro Red Sox performed except for J.D. Drew and Coco Crisp. In a Yankee game. At home.
Clearly, these are the endtimes.
On the bright side, it only poured rain for about half the game.